Learn Your Lesson
by wonderthewice
Summary: Drugs,Romance,Friendship,Gossip. The basics of high school life.While Allen faces all of the above adding heartache. Allen still in denial about a certain ex, will the teen be able to cope with all of it or will he cave into the pressure in the end? AU
1. School begins

Disclaimer: On any of the characters, I do not own anything to do with DGM :D and this story..if you think about it its a great laugh on my own rl xD Get a look in the mind of this Allen. you'll hear a lot of quotes in this one either from me or my friends or even a rival ;D enjoy and PLEASE enen would love reviews 3 guess who the redhead is..its not that hard xD

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_It's Over. _

The break up.

Well I have to say was the worst experiences I've ever gone through in my life. Yeah I've lost both my parents in an accident, but for some reason that really didn't affect me as much as what you did to me.

"_I'll love you forever_" wasn't those the words you always told me in a text? Always something you didn't say to my face. Was it because you knew already that you could never love a monster like me? Because you already had had enough of me?

I sit there and wonder a lot, while my friends laugh, joke with each other. I don't feel like myself anymore when I am around them, I stare always into the sky hoping it will rain like the old times, where you stood there and waited for me to come home.

I never though I could miss those times so much, miss the fact that I was loved and I took it all for granted. Took every smile, hug, kiss for granted. I am never going to get it back I know that for sure.

* * *

I smile, I remember the times when I looked at you my heart completely tore into pieces over and over. But now I am actually better, while Lenalee, Kanda even Road is there in the same group I stick with.

It's different now. I've gotten used to having Road replace you, after I wouldn't let her near my heart, but she showed her dimples and crawled slowly into my heart. I know I won't love her like I did you, but there is something about her that I know she won't break my heart, after all she is my best friend.

"Allen?" I blink, not even paying attention to what the tanned female had said, "Are you even paying attention to me Walker?" she nearly shrieked out my last name to the world.

"Chill Road, chill." that pissing her off more she nearly lunged at me, though I was still out of it I feel to the floor, she laying right on top of me her cheeks a bright red as she quickly got up. "Pay more attention Walker."

I sigh, what did I do to deserve a little midget always on my back, though I know its rude to think like that since she is one of my friends but still. I quickly get up as Lenalee and Miranda stare at me, they both giggle. "I'll be back later you guys." I mumble and walk away.

"Don't forget to meet us after school Allen!" I hear Lenalee scream to me as I wave her off, as I walk to go see some other people a quick flash of red appears in the corner of my eye, at first I want to stare but I force myself not to.

No.

Don't look.

I disobey myself and turn, wrong red head. Thank god, he isn't in my life anymore, and I shouldn't even give a shit if he passes by me. If he even looks at me, so why did my heart nearly explode when I thought it was him?

"Aye fucker what took you so long?" I look up, Kanda. He wasn't with the girls today, and I know why, he was attempting to get some drugs on him today. Borrowing my lighter and my money. What a perfect friend right? Though I didn't honestly care. I had the money to splurge.

"Shut up. I was with the girls not like you would know what it felt like to be with someone."

Smack. A shot to the head.

I know I deserved that.

Though did I care? Not in the fucking least.

I threw the lighter and the wad of cash to the male. "Now don't bother me for shit this week." I murmured as I walked back towards the girls throwing my book bag on the floor taking Miranda's pear taking a few bites before tossing it back at her.

She whined before she got up and threw it away. "Allen you're an asshole you know that?" the female spoke quietly as if she were afraid I might say something offensive, though I didn't care I knew I was an ass, a douche, a dick. Not like I wasn't told that before.

_RINGGGGGGGGGGGGG_

Fuck that bell. Time to go to class for another 2 and a half lame hours, "Bye Miranda~" Road chimed as she grabbed onto me tugging me to get to class. Lenalee began to walk towards the gate, since she only having a first period she didn't need to stick around. Though she always seemed to, before her boyfriend came into the picture, seems like shes growing apart from us as well.

"Allen hurry up before we get late to class!" Road destroying my train of thought, I began to walk along side her to our second period. Another class period to fuck around in..great.


	2. Chemistry

_Chemistry._

Ironic isn't it?

Most people think of chemistry involving two people and how they feel towards each other, nerds think of it only as science and symbols. Though you got to hand it to them, science is a lot less complicated than the emotions of a human being.

Road disobeying the teacher slowly comes to my desk, so does Road's friend Lulu bell. Coming to me for most of the answers, yeah I get most of the things the teacher is saying but I hardly show any effort in doing the work.

Time goes on and the teacher stops teaching as every student in the class is assigned work due at the end of class. A few nerds do the work. The rest goof off and talk about their day, their relationship drama or anything else insignificant to other people but themselves.

Sure I start doing the work but I give up. Time to copy from a couple other friends who always do it in the nick of time.

Write all the problems down.

Show your work.

And pretend your actually trying.

The three basic rules of an class.

Whatever at least I'm passing so I could care less. While Lulu and Road gossip over the littlest of things, talking trash about some boy who she used to _love_ or like I should say. Lulu talking about her ex boyfriend and how his new girlfriend can't stand her.

I listen but not really caring, until they both look at me, and I know I'm in trouble now. Before I try and pretend to go throw some paper away they both grasp onto my hand and look at me with sincere eyes. Something I just can't avoid.

I groan quietly to myself. FUCK. I don't need to do this right now. I gulp. "Whatever happened to _him_?" Lulu bell asks, without even knowing what she's talking about. I look down and for some reason, I feel a stabbing pain in my heart. My hand is writing on its own and I feel like I'm not there anymore.

Tick tock.

Tick tock.

My phone vibrates in my bag as my gaze slowly goes towards it, slowly reading the name of the person I smile, its one of my favorite people. David also known as my fan boy though some times he acts like the parent I need in my life. Keeping my life stable.

I quickly reach for my phone gazing at the time, 20 more minutes hopefully they will think of something else to do instead of bothering me about my love life. Though they kept pressing on, Road with her devilish grin across her lips, "Come on Walker, tell us what had happened!"

I glare at her, as she quickly hides behind Lulu bell, while Lulu bell just twirled her blond strands with her finger, not even interested in the topic of me or my love life, something that normally I would be offended of if it was a different topic made me happier than anything.

_Quick Allen think of a topic! _I bite onto my lip, nothing, nothing is coming to mind of all times why isn't anything popping into my head, then Lulu bell speaks. "So Road you think you want to come over? You know blaze it a bit?"

Road's attention quickly goes to Lulu bell, "Ugh you know I so badly want to Lu! But sadly I can't my bro Tyki is picking me up, and he doesn't approve of his little sweetheart doing _mischievous_ things."

I can't help but laugh out, I have a small gram of weed in my pocket, I'm not really going to use it so I hand it off to Lulu bell, "Your going to need more of that but aye it's a gift from me, just don't bother me about my love life again okay?"

A wide smile comes across Lulu bell's lips as Road begins to swing her little fists at me, "WHY didn't you give me the stuff Walker? When I'm the one who needs it the most!" I shrug her off, as I quickly get up. "The bells going to ring squirt." I mumble to her as she runs to her seat, quickly picking it up before running back.

I lift up both of the chairs one at a time. While Lulu just stands there, not even caring about her chair, knowing I would pick it up for her since she always uses the excuse that she is a lady. The students hurry out the door feeling free for the first time in what 2 hours?

A normal day in class. Learning absolutely nothing and still getting away with thinking that we are learning something, I swear can anything get any better?

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So this story is going faster than my other one and honestly I don't know why but tomorrow Chapter 3 will go up because this one has more of my life going into it MOST of it completely fiction. I give it 5 chapters to say the least :D please REVIEW tell me if i need some grammar control or anything like that. I need criticism to make my writings better :3 -enen


	3. After school hours

As we all walk out another flash of red catches my eye, _Not again! _I shake my head once more, no do not think about it I'm tricking myself.

Don't look!

I pause as I watch Road begin to swing at Lulu bell, Kanda comes walking towards us as I slowly back away from the small female. "Kanda what's up?" I wave at the male as he just shrugs, he was never a person for small talk.

Quickly before we know it Road wraps her arms around me, "What do you want Kanda?" she hisses, as her small face is nuzzled into my stomach. Kanda grins as he quickly pulls me away from the female. "Why I'm only here talking to my favorite person."

Me? Someone's favorite.

Fat chance.

I'm their rag doll that's plainly it. Though I am used to it so I don't really mind. We're all buddies and Road just clings to me because she has no other male in her life to. Also because her brother hates me and it only pisses him off more.

As we all walk towards the gates I glance at Lenalee, before I could tell Road something, she goes running up to her.

BAM!

To late.

Road runs into the poll from a lovely site of Lenalee making out with her boyfriend, for what seems like the tenth time today. Again, I honestly don't care that those two are always making out, the thing that _sickens_ me the most is why be with someone you don't love?

Love.

How do we even know what love is? Were all still young, but I just can't imagine seeing my best friend be with someone when she still loves another. Maybe it's just me, maybe I just want to be in her shoes? To feel like someone cares about me?

I shake my head, watching everyone run up to Road to see if she's okay. I just chuckle, I know she's fine. She does this all the time. She's our klutz and every time she gets hurt by running into something she makes a joke out of it. But I wonder;

What really goes on in your mind Road?

Road notices me staring at her as she glares at me, "What are you looking at Walker? Aren't you going to help a lady up?" I laugh, not intentionally it just came out I quickly step back before I speak. "Well once I find one then I'll help her out."

Suddenly out of no where, a red blob blurs my vision. Is it really you this time? Or is my mind playing tricks on me once more? No one else notices as they are in their own circles but Road always seems to catch my eye.

Her eyes narrow slightly, as we both look at the blob. It is. It is you! Suddenly my heart sinks, and I feel myself staring not even noticing if my friends see me looking at _him _or not. Road getting pissed off at me, or more like concerned quickly comes to me and pushes me to the group.

"What are you doing Road?" I question out loud, not really trying to get noticed, or am I? Do I want you to see that I am happier without you, glad that you are out of my life for good? I sigh have a lost all of my sanity when you walk by?

Lenalee stares at me for the longest time, her once beautiful long hair is cut shorter like a bob, and it looks good on her but not as good as her old style was. "Allen what's wrong with you?" she speaks in her normal cheerful tone, sadly I smile and shake my head. "Oh nothings wrong, I just.." my thoughts trail off.

Is something really wrong? Am I truly fine?

"Sorry guys I um.. got to go somewhere, you know me always busy." I lie of course, I hate feeling like they have to take care of me I'm a big kid and I need to deal with this all on my own. Enough is enough. I'm not a baby.

Though when I think I'm alone I hear the clacks of heels. _Who could that be? _I question myself before I turn around. It's none other than Road.

"Allen tell me what's wrong, just because no one else can see that your hurting doesn't mean I don't."

She's right, of course, she always has noticed something was off about me. Something that didn't seem right when I would smile at everyone else, she had always seen the sadness in my eyes.

Another person used to always stare into my eyes and notice my emotions from them. Another person used to just stare, and of course I hated being looked in the eyes that other person stopped me from talking and just stared.

Melting forever.

Just by one gaze, and there was no one else who could make me feel so damn alive, feel like everything was better with that one stare, one grasp of the hand could make me smile.

One touch of the lips..

Wait.. What am I saying, I need to just stop thinking about it, besides if I keep on thinking Road will figure out what's wrong with me and I don't need to talk about it not at a time like this. Not at a time when everyone else is happy.

Fuck.

Why am I such a damn let down? Am I really afraid to be happy because I know some way you'll take it away? Even though your not my friend anymore, and your supposed to be gone from my heart, gone from everything. Though that's not the case is it? Your not truly gone, deep down you know your always still welcomed to fuck with my heart.

Forgetting Road was right there she stares at me long and hard, "Allen let's go to the park. Just me and you. I think we need to talk." I gulp. What have i gotten myself into this time?

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So i was writing this before I was going to my friends house, I change my mind i think its going to be more than 5 chapters :D though I need to work on the other story for now this is my main one as of the fourth of July. Sorry -enen OH ps. REVIEW :D


	4. Realization

We slowly walk towards the park as fear slowly crept into my heart. I knew Road wasn't going to rest until she found out what was wrong with me. The one thing I didn't even know to begin with. Though we kept walking one step at a time.

Take deep breathes.

I try to listen to myself, but instead of taking deep breathes it seems like my breathing weakens, like I'm about to faint. And though it feels like it sadly it just doesn't happen.

What am I running from?

The thoughts, the questions fill up my mind over and over again the questions felt like weights on my feet. Dragging my body down slowly. Almost making me stop completely. Though it doesn't and we finally end up at the stupid park.

Remembering when I was a little kid the park was like a magical kingdom to me somewhere I seemed like I always wanted to go to. Though as I grew older it just became a normal place with normal people every single day. It seemed like you never saw the same people at the park. Though it is always filled.

Road's heels keep distracting me as the clack every time her little feet take steps. "Walker!" she calls my name, my throat nearly dry where I can't even speak a word. "What?" my voice cracks as I clear my throat, "sorry about that. What is it you want?"

She glares at me as she grabs my hand nearly dragging me to the benches. She sits down across from me as she waits for me to slid into my bench. I do so as I look straight pass her. Looking at the trees, making sure my eyes never meet with hers.

"Allen.." she says in a soft, nearly sweet voice, something that surprises me. I'm not used to hear being nice to me at all.

I gulp, I don't want to have a deep conversation something that I dread every single day. "You know I hate it when you're sad." I nod. _Why do you think I've been trying my best to smile in front of everyone? _Of course I would never say that to her. She doesn't need to know that I am truly in pain.

"Of course I do Road, but I'm not sad. I'm actually happy you know?" I smile at her, trying to reassure her… to reassure myself that I am actually happy.

"Cut the crap Allen I know your not. Just because you smile doesn't mean I can't see the sadness in your eyes. Your eyes tell me the truth. Something apparently you can't even do."

Ouch. A shot to the heart, I never expected her to say something like that. Never thought she could see the pain that I deal with every day.

"You caught me Road, what you want a prize or something?" My tone gets bitter, I don't mean it but she really just shot that at me, doesn't she see that I don't want her to worry that I am in pain.

She sniffles in front of me, "Allen don't you see there are people out there who love you?" I stare at her, in complete confusion, was she about to cry?

"Who Road you guys? Just you guys and that's it. That's not a lot of people when you think about it." Again the tone, I need to stop doing that to her, especially when it looks like she's going to cry.

"No Allen there is way more than that and you know it!" she nearly shouts at me, "Like who Road tell me who would love someone like me?" this time I look away from her, turning my back against her, so I won't see her crying because of me.

People start to look at us as I mumble, "Lower your voice, the people will think we're arguing." she for once obeys me, lowering her voice for only I can hear. "You have to figure that out on your own, you know the people who really love you are going to be the people who are there when you need them the most."

I sigh quietly. I know what she is saying is true but still..

"I know that's why I'm saying, there is only you guys. I thought someone loved me, you know in the romantic way, but he turned out to be a liar." I pause, did I just say that out loud? Can I erase my mistake? Sadly I can't and though I thought she was going to lecture me, she speaks calmly to me.

"You don't know that Allen, I mean no one purposely injures someone they once cared so much about.." she coughed softly, "Well besides me, but you know I never loved that annoying asshole." I turned back to face her, I know I should be looking at her when she is talking, or I will get a mouth full of it later.

"Anyways! What I'm saying Allen if you still have contact with him, then he must have some sort of emotion for you or else he would have cut off everything…I don't think any person would hang onto someone they hated just to cause them pain.. At least a _normal_ person wouldn't."

I shake my head, placing my hands onto the table. "I thought that at one time too Road, but that one thought has left my mind for good. Besides, I hear he is madly in love with someone else now, and he's just talking to me again just to hurt me. " I shrug lightly. "Not like he ever really loved me in the first place."

I feel my heart shatter from that last sentence. Though I will never admit it to Road, I know right there and then if she wasn't in front of me I would have bawled my eyes out.

She sighs, "Allen if he doesn't see what was so great about you then I don't know why your still in love with him."

I ignore her.

I can't even look at her in the eyes, something grasping onto my head pushing me down, she speaks again. "Why do you love him Allen? Its obvious he's happier without you. It's obvious you were shit to him so why do you still love him?"

I am still ignoring her, I don't want to answer her, it's pointless, and everything she is saying now might be true but still I don't want to hear it.

I don't want to be reminded that he doesn't feel the same way as I do.

Once more, she speaks more like shouting at me for everyone in the park to hear her, "FINE then Allen why don't you go to the person who doesn't even love you anymore! And see who really does love you!"

I hear her heels clack hard against the cement, hearing them dash across the table area, knowing that she is gone I look up. "Good bye Road.." I mumbled as I sit there for a while, just lost in deep thought.

I know she's going to pretend that this conversation never happened. So will I.

It's better to pretend that nothing has ever happened, than to face the truth. And that's one thing I don't want to do.

Face the music.

Face the fact that once again, I am all alone in this bitter world. With no one to hold out their hand to me and help me see that there are people who care about me. No one does.

And so..I truly am _alone._

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So the conversation between Allen and Road is something personal :3 But I just loved it so i had to write it out, So i dedicate this chapter to my real life Road. Please review, I will not update my stories until i get 5 reviews for this one sorry -enen


	5. Alone

I sit there in the park until the sunsets. Not like it matters though no one wants me around anyways. So I sit, not having a home to get to I just sit there before I yawn.

I'm getting really sleepy, and I just want a place to go to lay down.

I slowly walk towards the place where everyone else would call home but I call hell. Being adopted, isn't as great as you think. The people don't like each other and everyone looks down at you.

Ignoring the women of the house hold I go to my room. Close the door shut as I sigh quietly, I look around my dull room, there is nothing here that truly belongs to me. Nothing is mine.

Nothing.

The women starts knocking on my door, I cover my face with the pillow, forgetting to lock my door she barges in. "Allen Walker! Why do you think you have the nerve to come into this house whenever you please? We have rules and you will abide by them or get the hell out!"

I'm getting real sick and tired of feeling like I always have to obey this women, when no one else does. Not even her two own children. Then again they are hers so she doesn't care. She just loves threatening me.

When I was younger that used to always scary me, to wonder around the outside world without any guardian protection. Now that I am older I could honestly don't care if she kicks me out.

"Stop with the threats women." I mumble as I sit up, "If you don't want me here than kick me out, give me the money you get for me and I'm gone. And don't worry, I will make sure to tell the adoption agency that I don't live with you anymore."

She stands there in silence, not having one thing to say to me, I smile inside, I finally have one this battle and it feels amazing. To be able to stand up for myself. To feel free.

Then hell breaks loose as she starts screaming her lungs out, "YOU ungrateful child! HOW dare you threaten me! GET out of my house! You were never wanted here ANYWAYS!" She walks out of my room and slams the door, then once again comes in again, "I want you out in 10 minutes." She once again slams the door and walks out.

I quickly get the essentials I need, some clothes, a tooth brush, my brush and some money. Without saying good bye to the lady I walk out the house, never wanting to go back to the house again. I hope I will never have to see that women again.

I start strolling down the sidewalk, I close my eyes taking a deep breath as I begin to walk once more to a familiar place. The park. It seems like its my new home away from home now.

I stand there alone, wondering how it feels to actually have a family who loves me. Who would want to be with me and be a family.

I shake my head from the ridiculous thought, who would ever love a beast, a monster like she calls me, like me?

I slowly walk towards the tree, I sit under it and gently rock myself to sleep. I am to tired to feel my body numb from the cold. To tired to shiver or the thought to cry from the fact that I have no family. No love. No home.

I stop thinking, my body is to exhausted to even care anymore. I just want to hide in the tree forever, before anyone comes looking for me. Though I doubt anyone will, nor do I care if someone actually does.

The sun shines on my face, not noticing that I finally knocked out I yawn. Waking up to sores from the roots of the tree poking at my back.

No pain, no gain as people always say right?

Wrong, have them sleep in between a tree and see how they like it.

I get up, I can already feel children staring at me like I'm some kind of bum who has no where else to go. Maybe I just am a bum now. I have nothing in my life to call my own. I have nothing at all.

I know it must be 10 a.m or something, and knowing I am completely late for school. I know even though I have no where else to go I still think about school.

I still think about what I have to do in order to get my life a head, funny wouldn't you think? That I would actually sit around and just give up on life. Though for some reason school has something that I know I don't have at "home" anymore. It has my friends.

I look around and quickly walk myself into the bath room. I was up, looking around trying to ask someone the time, though people just stare at me like I'm some crazy bum. Though I am fine with it.

I quickly get out of the bathroom stalls and walk out of the parks area. I know how to get to my school. It's only a few blocks away from this exact park.

Take a deep breath.

Before I book it towards my school. Though again I ask myself why am I caring whether or not I make it to class or not?

I hear my name being called out, I look around, maybe it's to one of the little kids but no that isn't the case. The voice calls my full name, _Allen Walker_, I turn to the source, the voice sounds so familiar. Who could it be?

I close my eyes, I know who it belongs to. Oh god how I wish it could be someone else, but no. it just had to be him, why of all people?

I wave, smiling at the person. I take a few more deep breaths before I watch them get out of the car puling over. I groan, why is he coming near me?

It was none other than Cross Marian, an old friend of mine, I was kind of glad we stopped being friends he was just to controlling over me, and he hated how I always played in the dirt. Always getting dirty.

"Seems like your dirty again aren't you?" The male spoke in his outmost annoying tone, again I groan in my head. I don't want to seem rude but what else can I do? Tell him off? Fat chance. Knowing him he will think of it as a joke. "Well If you pardon me I need to go to school so…"

I start walking off, without saying good bye.

"WAIT Allen.." I stop in my tracks as I turn towards the other. Not really expecting any sense of kindness from the other male "Can you hurry up Cross? I kind of need to go.." he quickly grasps onto my shoulder and smiles faintly at me. "Why don't I give you a ride I know what school you go too, and we can maybe catch up?"

I shrug, what could the harm be?

We both get into his car and in less that what it seems like 5 minutes pass by and I am at my school. Even better I wasn't late to my class. Everyone was waiting for me, which seemed to surprise me cause I even saw Road there. Though this time she wasn't hugging me. She completely ignored me.

I didn't expect this, though I wasn't about to apologize to her. She will eventually so I don't mind honestly. I'm used to just sitting in the class alone the whole time anyways.

Alone.

Again, with the word. Maybe I am just not meant to have true friends. I just stand beside Lenalee, as she gossips about her boyfriend. Though I honestly don't want to hear anything, I just stand there and smile nodding.

Road looks at me, more like a glare though she won't talk to me I know what she's thinking. Why am I still around these people, why am I still here when she yelled at me to go to the person who doesn't even love me.

I hide from her gaze, she knows her own answer as always. Because he doesn't even want me. A grin appears across her face, as she walks towards me, she leans in slightly and whispers, "Seems like he doesn't even want you."

She pulls away and I just look away, I can't even look at her. Everything about what she says is true, and she has no idea how pathetic I feel.

"You've never know _love _Allen. All you are is all talk. Give me your hearts true desire."

I expected those words to come from Road, her mouth is closed. I turn around and gulp softly.

You.. Why did you have to come and bother me again?

My heart sinks as I feel my mouth dry up. What can I say?

…Why Lavi?

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What can I say? :D I want this story to have 5 reviews before I update any of my stories. I would appreciate it so much! -enen


	6. Unexpected

A blank stare.

Everyone, Lenalee, Kanda, Miranda, Lulubell and even Road stood quiet, gazing at the redhead who intruded in our conversations. We all stood there in silence.

Heartbreaking silence.

"What do you want Lavi?" Road finally spoke, the only one who had the balls to say anything. Me on the other hand was completely speechless. It felt like my voice was ripped right out of my throat, I just stood there and looked feeling my heart pound against my chest. Why was I acting like this? Why couldn't I speak?

"This has nothing to do with you pipsqueak so why not keep that pretty little trap of yours shut aye?" Road was the only one who actually loathed Lavi. With everything in her entire being, though the only reason she hadn't done anything about his two-time lying ass was because of me, or that's maybe what she wants me to believe.

Silence once more.

Everyone grew quiet again. It was strange, I've never seen Road quiet. What was going through her mind? She always had a comeback to everything, and to everyone. Why the silence all of a sudden? Was she really taking orders from the one person she hates the most? Did she really loose her mind?

This time I finally said something, "W-What is it you want from me Lavi?" My voice cracked but I felt like I could finally say something knowing my friends were there, "You've already caused as much damage as you possibly can, I don't see why you want to talk to me now."

The bitterness in my voice hurt only me, I couldn't allow anyone to see the pain I was in so I began to walk away, while everyone just watched me. I knew no one would follow me..

Or so I thought. Though I thought it was Road who was coming after me I was about to shout out _Just leave me the fuck alone. _Even though I was never cruel to Road at all, I was in no mood to get told off even more. However when I was about to turn and see Road Lavi was standing right there, "We need to talk." Was all he blurted out before he grabbed onto my arm and pulled me away.

Not good.

Where is someone when I need them?

Not here of course.

I can't be alone with Lavi I just know I can't, so why isn't someone here to help me out?

I'm not sure why but something in my body makes me follow him without making such a fuss, I keep quiet as he arrive at the park. Why is it everything bad always happens here?

I look around, it's the same amount of people here just like the time Road yelled at me. Maybe these are new people, and they don't remember me, though how could they not? My white hair only screams my name out.

Though before Lavi could say anything a women passes by with someone who seems like is her friend, mumbling pretty loudly so Lavi and I can here, "Remember that kid was arguing with his girlfriend? I hope they are didn't break up." As the women and her friend walk by us Lavi just stares at me.

"Road huh?" I nod, though it seems like everyone knows Road is the only one I ever get into arguments with without it becoming serious. Lavi just grins and leans against one of the trees. "You know that's how we used to be. Though I always could make you laugh from anything."

I stare at the other male, not really sure how to respond to what the male is saying, so I just look at him, nothing coming out of my mouth, I slid my body onto the bench. I look at Lavi, I know he wants to sit beside me, but before he even moves I speak. "Don't even try sitting next to me."

"Jeez Allen, your so hostile. Can't two friends just sit here in the park and chill?" I glare at him, Friends? Since when the hell did we ever start becoming friends again?

"Friends Lavi? You think we're friends now? Since when did you come up with this lie hmm?" I can't believe this, after everything he has said to me after everything we have gone through, how can he act like nothing has happened between us, why we hate each other?

All Lavi did was nod, nothing more for the longest time. When I was about to leave, "This isn't worth my time Lavi. If this is the only reason you bothered me well you have another thing coming."

"Allen wait."

I pause, "So you finally talk hmm?"

"Look Allen, I know you still have feelings for me."

I freeze, I don't even dare look at him, out of all the things he had to say to me, that one hit me hard.

"Your point Lavi? Who cares who I like, who I love it's none of your damn concern."

"Find someone new kiddo, you know it's not that hard once you put yourself out there I know you can be with anyone you want to."

I don't dare face him, I can already feel my fingers begin to tremble. "Just because you already have someone wrapped around your finger, just because you can easily forget about me don't tell me it's so easy. Just because your so happy without me doesn't mean I can be. I'm not like you Lavi."

"You think I'm happy Allen? You think I would be happy from all shit? I'm not Allen, When I to have my own dirty little secrets, my own scars. But unlike you I can get over it."

"Because you never loved me." shake my head, he's wounded? Because of him I started cutting myself with knives, because of him I cried everyday.

"I did love you Allen, don't get me wrong I really did, why do you think I got with you if I didn't like you I wouldn't have to be here arguing about how shitty of a relationship we had and because of that why we are over."

"Whatever Lavi, I know your so perfectly happy without me, so drop the whole act. I know you never cared about me.. When all I ever did was love you, you made me feel like I was someone special. I thought you were someone I could tell everything to and you made me laugh.. I opened up to you, I told you everything. My whole past. I thought you accepted me for who I was."

I felt myself fighting the tears, there was no way I was going to let anyone know I was crying, not going to show my face to anyone. Not even to Lavi, though some how I think Lavi knew I was going to start bawling. He always knew right when I was going to cry.

This is how it always is, I can never control my tears.

I know I look like a huge baby, and I just don't care anymore, I want him to walk away now, I want to be alone. I so badly want to yell _Get the fuck away from me! _However I just can't. My voice disappears again.

I stand there speechless.

* * *

SO i had a complete different idea for this chapter. BUT it will just have to wait for a while. Working on the other one its really hard to be in the mood l; review pwease?PERMISSION for ever conversation i use from life to the story :D -enen


	7. Beaten Down

"Lulubell!" the female squeaked as she jumped in front of other girl.

Lulubell stared at Road for a split second as she returned to her cell phone as she muttered, "What is it Road?"

The female grinned, "Me and you are going to go cheer up Walker! And since I don't really know where he is your also going to help me look for him."

Lulubell groaned softly as she put her phone away, "I'm only going to look for him in one place so you decide where and I'll follow."

Road pouted, "Fine but.. I'm worried.. After what Lavi did, bothering all of us its just plain rude! If I ever see that redheaded bastard again I swear I'm going too.." she clenched her fist as she made a punching motion.

Lulubell stared at the girl and shook her head, "Look Allen is a big boy, he can take care of himself, besides Road can I ask you something?"

Road stopped her movement as she began to walk, "You can ask while were searching for Allen. The first place I would expect him to be is at the park now lets get a move on it."

Lulu nodded as she started walking along side Road, "Road why is it you hate Lavi so much? I mean sure he is mean and everything but isn't that normal? Unless it's another reason."

Road shook her head, as her heels clacked against the pavement she let out a small sigh, "It's what he's done to Allen, if he saw Allen break down every single time, if he saw how Allen is always crying because of what that asshole is doing to him. It's just how could a person do that to someone they once loved? And how he is always rubbing his new lady in front of Allen it's just so fucking disgusting!"

Lulubell just walked in silence as she listened to the female, "Oh… I never knew you felt like that."

Road sighed once more, "It just breaks my heart a little to see Allen pretend he's alright, but deep down his heart is breaking more and more, and though it's amusing to notice that no one else can see it but me."

"Well if that's the reason, than I understand. I back you up all the way, I know I don't know Allen as much as you do but still, he's given me advice on accounts when I didn't know who to turn to."

Road smiled softly as she tugged on Lulubell's hand, "Come on we're almost at the park."

* * *

As the tears stream down my face I could already feel like everything that's going on between me and Lavi are coming to an end, and I'm waiting for the male just to walk away and pretend nothing happened. Just like before. Just like he did when he walked out of my life.

Right now I don't even care if he says good bye, I don't even care if he tries to comfort me, all I want is him to leave.

Patiently waiting.

I begin to sniffle, and that should be the sign where Lavi leaves, but no he speaks once more, "Allen look I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you cry.."

I shake my head, I keep my back faced away from him, "I-I'm not crying." I speak in a raspy tone giving me away completely.

"Face me damn it!" Lavi was probably getting pissed that I wouldn't look him in the eyes.

I disobey, this time I have control over myself.

Just because he yells something at me I will not obey this time, no matter how many times I used to be the pussy who would just turn and wait for orders. I'm on my own now, I don't need his pampering.

Before I know it Lavi grasps onto my arm and forces me to look at him, only to expose the tears I started shedding.

"I knew you were lying."

I snap back, "Who cares if I'm lying? You've been lying to me from the start saying you love me and everything you're just a bull shitter just like everyone else I know so spare me!"

He stands there, just staring at me, trying to look into my eyes, though I won't let him. Not this time. He won't romance me with that gaze any longer. The pity look. I'm sick of getting that stare.

He speaks again, "I see..so that's how its going to be huh Allen?"

I blink, before I face him, what is he thinking? I thought he was going to lash out at me, but why isn't he?

Before I know it he leans into me, though I slightly lean back he holds me in place, pressing his lips against mines.

_WHAT THE FUCK! _I can already feel a blush against my cheeks, why is it that when we kiss it always feels weird?

Flesh up against flesh, meshing together making not only the people connect in some sort of way but their emotions. Making everything disappear once more, as though all the drama between us melt away and my heart races against my chest.

Though I am not kissing him back, however for the seconds we are kissing my emotions give in, and once I was about to kiss him back someone ruins it, and I pull away letting out a small pant.

"WALKER WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?"

Lavi looks at me then at the owner of the voice who saved me from making another mistake, "Oh great its you pipsqueak, why not run along somewhere else?" Lavi muttered as I just stood there in a complete daze.

Did that really just happen? Was I about to kiss him back? I placed my fingers against my trembling lip.

"I'm sick of your shit Lavi." Road muttered as she pulled me away from the male. "You have no right to be playing with Allen, he hasn't done shit to you in a while so why not fuck with that new bitch of yours and leave Allen alone."

Lulubell just sits on the bench as she stares at me, "Wow Allen, seems like you got two people fighting over you." she grins and once again goes back to her phone.

"T-They're not fighting over me.. they are just fighting."

"you think I already have someone huh?" Lavi mutters, not really talking to Road but to me, before I answer Road swings her hand across the male's face.

"I'm talking to you asshole! You leave Allen alone, you got that? And I'm fucking serious about this too Lavi." The red head grits his teeth as he looks away,

"I'm not going to lay my hands on a girl you got that Road?"

Another slap across his face, "Good because I have no laws about going to beat the shit out of an asshole."

Lulubell is cracking up from the sight of Road slapping Lavi, I choke, why am I always the one scared to do anything?

I gulp softly as I weakly stand up.

"S-Stop please.."

Road stares at me, she's already furious as it is, but it's something I have to do. "Road why don't you and Lulu go somewhere else. This is something private and must be finished."

Road's eyes narrow at me, as she quickly stomps her heels walking towards me. "Fine Allen, fuck you and your faggot lover!" She turns away from me and quickly snaps at Lulubell. "We're leaving..NOW!"

She quickly runs off as Lulubell shakes her head, "Wow Allen, after everything Road's doing for you, your still going back to him? It must be love."

"It's not like that Lu.." I pause, "Just please go see what's wrong with her."

Lulubell shook her head, before she walked off, "It's simple _Walker _she cares about you, more than I can say you do with her."

I look down, I do care for Road, she's the only person who understands me. I shake my head as I look at Lavi, he's just standing there grinning.

"What now Allen?"

I pause once more,

_What now Allen_? What are you going to do about this now?

"I really can't please anyone can I? Whether I stand here and let my heart break into millions of pieces, or if I go after Road I can never win can I?"

"Nope guess not." he chuckled, really enjoying my sorrow.

Its funny, I've been trying to maintain my own _happiness, _however I can never truly grasp it.

The right cards are in my hand, now all I have to do is play the winning hand.

C'mon walker, you can do it.

"I'm sorry.."

* * *

This chapter is dedicated to two people one of them is Road. the other someone :3 Review please. I am almost done writing this story and will work on my other one soon. -enen


	8. Let it all end

Lavi just looks at me, "Sorry for what Allen?"

I shake my head, facing the male I smile softly at the male. "I'm sorry for still being in love with you, and for wanting to choose you over my friends, I'm sorry for everything and I-I.. I just don't know anymore."

My hands are trembling as the words slip out of my mouth, this is something I knew I had to say from the start, so that I can truly find peace something I just need to let out.

"So you still love me Allen after everything? Even if I have found myself someone new? Even if I don't really need you anymore your still going to stand there and tell me you love me?" I nod. I don't know what to say.

"I see.. So you really are a fool huh?" I nod once more, though this time I speak, "Well it's just something about me that other people like I guess, it's something I can't change in me so I will proudly say I am a fool."

Lavi just chuckles as he hears me talking, "Allen you still seem to amaze me, and just realize how clueless and cute you are."

I glare at the male, "I will not accept that at all, for one I am not cute mister! And another, I'm being serious here." once more the male has me blushing, and with skin as fair as mine you can tell already. I shake my head trying to cool my cheeks down a bit.

"Awe your blushing already? You're the same as ever kiddo." I pout more, as I want to lounge at him, though I keep my cool and let out a small sigh, "Lavi, thanks for everything, but I think it's time for you to walk away now."

He stares at me, "Why is it that I am the one who always has to walk away?"

I shrug, "Because I've been doing that my whole life, I just want you to walk away for once, because you always make me look like the bad guy, and.." I sniffle, "A-And I don't want you to see me cry anymore."

He lightly places a hand onto my shoulder, "I've always hated seeing you cry, knowing I was the cause of those tears. I hate knowing I caused those tears to come out of those amazing gray hues that tell of much sorrow and hurt."

He probably doesn't mean it, he just wants me to stop crying, so I quickly wipe the tears that begin to form from my eyes, "You don't need to be sorry it's my fault, everything all the tears don't try to clean your conscious Lavi, don't think everything I do revolves around you."

I move away from his grasp as his hand just stays in the same place, "Allen I know that.."

"No you don't Lavi, everyone thinks your all I ever think about, all I ever care about. It's not true and I finally get to say it out loud! I don't think about you twenty-four seven."

Lavi looked puzzled at me, "I know you don't… Who are you trying to tell really? Me or you?"

I blink multiple times, I look down and sigh. "Both."

"I can't play this game with you anymore Lavi, I just can't let you harm my heart anymore. You kissed me, I didn't kiss you back.. There is a reason for this."

Lavi just listened, he didn't argue back, he just for once listened to what I had to say, "I know I was going to if Road didn't barge in.. I'm glad she did.. I didn't kiss you back because I would have lost my heart all over to you again. And I can't afford to lose not to you not to anyone. I want to be able to love again.. To be able to belong to someone who isn't a born liar."

I take a deep breath before I speak once more, "I know you are amazing Lavi, but you're a liar and you've been lying to me from the start. You promised you would love me forever. You lied and because of that I am stuck here with a shattered heart. I want to say good bye to you."

Lavi nods, "Fine then say it already and I will never.." I place a finger across his lips. "Stop." I mutter.

"I am not finished. I want to say good bye to you but knowing in my heart it would break me even more. And what happens to when I get completely broken and can't deal with things?" once more I take a deep breath, I roll my sleeve up and turn my wrist over. "This."

Scars.

That's right, all my friends know I cut my wrist. They don't know the reason. They just stare at the scars. Examining if I added more. The count so far? Twenty-five.

"Why Allen?"

I quickly roll my sleeve back down shaking my head, "Don't ask me why. You know exactly why I do this. You know exactly why I hurt myself because of your countless lies!"

He grabs onto my arm, rolling up the fabric as I watch him, "what do you think your doing?" I mutter, bitterness returns in my voice, and I allow it. I want him to suffer like I have. Though I know its not the right thing to do.

For once though, this is what he deserves. For making me believe his lies.

_Forever_

I shake my head, he lied he needs to pay for what he said to me, he needs to pay for everything.

He looks into my eyes, I look away. "Allen please don't be like this anymore because of my asshole self."

I pull my arm away from his grip. "Whatever Lavi, stop acting like you ever gave a shit about me."

He looks down, "I really did love you Allen, whether you believe me or not. You had my heart you had all of me, but we argued to much.. And I couldn't deal with it anymore."

"Yeah then you found that little bitch of yours, now she's all you think about she's all you ever want. Yeah you said the same thing to me. I guess your words mean nothing to yourself and all you ever do is say the sweet romantic shit. But you don't mean of it." I take a few steps away from him. "I love you and that's not a lie. I know I'm a liar just like you are because you made me this way but I won't lie about what my heart feels. I love you Lavi."

He sighs, "I'm bad for you Allen don't you see that?"

He let out a sarcastic laugh, "HA! You think you're so bad for me maybe I'm the real vicious one Lavi, everyone sees me as so sweet so innocent, weak, defenseless. But whether or not they see it this kitty has claws and I'll fuck you up if you break my heart."

I don't want to be know as sweet anymore. I don't even want to be known as cute.

I want to be known as me, and only Lavi saw who I was. Who I truly was, and he supposedly loved me for it. But it was a lie. Everything he said everything is a lie. I might have wasted two years on him but this time I get to finally say what I want and he can't walk away without yelling back at me.

"I get it Allen, you've become so bitter because of me and I'm sorry."

I softly hiss, "really that's all you can say to me is sorry? Where are your balls Lavi?"

He looks away, I know he can't even look at me anymore, and that's when it hits me, this isn't me. I am not a cruel person who wants revenge, I just want to let it go.

I just wanted for once, for him to feel the pain he caused me, but in the end I'm the one once more feeling more pain.

"Allen.."

I look away, I can't stare at him anymore, "I-I'm sorry Lavi.. I'm not like this, I'm not like you.." he turn away from him.

My feet feel heavy, as I take a few steps. I don't say good-bye I just run away. Leaving him there, I hear my name being called out but I don't look back.

All I do is run.

That's all I am ever good at doing now a days.

Run.

I run away from my friends, the people who have seemed to be the only ones who cared about me.

I keep running until I'm out of breath. Pants escape my lips as I press my hands onto my knees, finally catching my breath I look around. An old tree stands in front of me.

I press my back against the bark as I slowly slid down, pressing my knees to my chest as I let out small sobs, the warm tears streaming down my cheeks.

I sit there for about 10 minutes letting pouring my sorrow out, letting it exhaust my body, my soul. I'm tired and I don't know what to do anymore, my eyes hazily gaze the area I am at.

Lost.

No one I know is around here, I don't even think I want to go back to a place like that. I don't want to face those people who are really never there for me.

I realize this more and more as I sit here, I notice that I truly have nothing to go home to. No friends. No family. No love.

I reach into my pocket, clutching onto the metal already piercing my fingertips. I wince slightly as I begin to roll my sleeve up, I close my eyes as I begin to slide the metal across my wrist.

Gone.

I want everything to be gone.

I don't want to feel anymore. I don't want to be here anymore. I just don't want to exist.

Eliminate me from this world.

"Good-bye Allen Walker." I mumble to myself as I feel my arm completely numb, though I still slice the blood dripping towards my palm.

Ever lasting peace.

* * *

All i can say is just review. :D please. and no Allen isn't emo -.-


	9. When you need someone there

I just changed some things in this chapter. During the rest of January I am going to fix this story. Until I find a perfect way to edit this. Review~

* * *

The fear in my friends expression when I found myself awaken in a hospital bed, seeing Road beside my bed crying over and over. "I should have never left you alone with that asshole." her voice hoarse as she grasped onto my blankets. Leaving a small puddle of tears where her hands rested.

Then I finally realized something. Though my heart knew Lavi longer than Road, in that moment she was the one always right there, helping me pick up the pieces. She was one the one helping me out when I cried out for him. Where was he now? When I needed him the most? Where was he when I was slowly losing my life.

I let out a small sigh.

He was no where to be found, and that was something that just made my heart die out a little more.

I felt dizzy, nauseous losing my vision but I listened to Road, I heard her words. "I swear Allen.. I swear on myself on everything, I will do everything in my power to get revenge on him for what he did to you. Lavi will rue the day he played with your heart like a toy."

I shook my head, lightly placing my hand onto hers, "T-there's no need for revenge Road. No need for it anymore, I got rid of him.. h-he is gone for good, he won't bother me anymore." I faintly smile, though the words that come out of my mouth pierce my heart to the very core.

Silence.

Once again silence struck both of us, I honestly don't think Road believed me when I said Lavi was out of my life. But what could I do to make her believe that he is gone and the name _Allen Walker _will never pass his lips again.

What could I honestly do to make her believe that everything from now on was just going to be about me getting the help I truly need. I guess nothing I say; nothing I do can make her believe me, after all for what seemed like the longest time, Lavi was the only person who had my attention, no one else could really open my eyes make me see the whole world.

Weakly I place my hand onto her head. Patting her head slightly as I smile at her. She of course freaks out. "WALKER!" she exclaims as she quickly forces my hands at my sides, "You shouldn't be moving your arms.. A-after what had just happened! You should be taking care of yourself!"

I chuckle softly, "Well then Road tell me how exactly am I going to eat?" I tilt my head as we sit there in silence, to be disturbed by the rumble in my stomach. She falls off her chair and I look down at her, both of us bust out in laughing, "Of course Allen.. Not even a near death experience can stop you from being hungry."

As soon as she says that the nurse walks in, "Mr. Walker your food will be coming in shortly, and miss, visiting hours is almost done." Road nods, and quickly stands up from the floor. She bows lightly towards the nurse and mutters softly. "I will be leaving once Allen gets his food if you don't mind."

"Not at all, just making sure is all." the nurse speaks in a soft, musical tone as she exits my room.

"She sure seems nice." Road mutters softly, "I wonder how her family feels about her working in a depressing place like this, surrounded by death, accidents the most unimaginable things.." I just stare at her for the longest time and shrug my shoulders lightly. "It might be a horrible job but someone has to do it right? Besides you shouldn't be thinking something like that, its not good for either of us to have a depressing chat."

Road nods.

I gulp softly.

"We will have to some day. No matter how much you try to avoid it Allen. We will have this talk."

Before I think of anything to make a comeback of her statement, here comes another nurse, right on time with a tray of food. "Mr. Walker we have prepared your food for you, we hope you like it and are having a pleasant time here."

I nod as the women rolls the tray over to me and fixes my bed for me, as I slowly sit up smelling the delicious food. Its vegetables. For some reason, I didn't want to eat meat at the hospital. Weird I know.

"Well Walker, I think I am going to leave you and your precious food alone, but remember if you need me, I am just a phone call away. I'll even jump through a window just to make it to you okay?"

Already shoving the food into my mouth I nod rapidly, "Shure thang." I mutter, not really even understanding what I said she just laughs as the nurse walks out of the room. She slowly walks towards the door and smiles faintly, "Allen you know you're my best friend right? And I love you as a friend, just please be more rational with your decisions."

I blink multiple times as she walks out of the room, I swallow hard taking a small sip of my water. Staring out the window I mutter quietly. "I know Road, I'm an idiot for causing you so much suffering. It truly will be over soon and you won't have to cry anymore."

I kick off my blankets and slowly move towards the bathroom, having to drag the stupid monitor with me wherever I move too just pisses me off. Especially hearing the constant beeping noise. Literally makes me want to just smash the thing against the wall.

Slowly dragging my body towards the bathroom as I look at myself into the mirror, a sigh passes my lips. "I'm doing this for me." I mutter, no matter how selfish it may seem I need to do this. I take out the pocket and slowly open the gown, letting it fall elbow length. As the blade pierces my flesh I wince slightly, as the small blood droplets begin to appear, trickling down a bit as I finish the last letter on my chest. _LAVI. _I look at the wound, "magnificent. Truly magnificent." I mutter as I quickly put back on the gown, my wound already is burning my flesh as I wince more and more. Making my way back onto my bed as if nothing happened just seconds before.

It's truly amazing how one person can make you feel like complete trash, and make you want to die. Forgetting the people before that person, who used to make you laugh and smile. Tell jokes with and just hang out. Forgetting the people who truly meant something to you. Before the word _love _came into the playing field.

So was it truly love I was feeling? Or was it lust? Or acceptance? Someone finally showing interest in me, and I had to snatch up the adoration. Though this one person always lied to me. Never wanting anything to do with the actual me. He played me like a fiddle, telling me he loved me all those times. Making promises about loving me forever.

I know love causes people to do foolish things, but I never believed the _empty_ promises. Never believed the '_forever_'s. So in the end why did it hurt me so badly?

_Thank you…_


	10. Reuniting

Walking through the hallways of the school made me feel so uneven. The rumors of course probably went all over the place by now.

How could I have hidden it from anyone? It was to hot to wear long-sleeves, but I forced myself to resist the heat and cover up my _sin. _I've recently learned, from now on everything I do is a sin. Every step I take is just another step closer towards my demise.

"That's the boy?" Mutters from girls as I walked passed them, speaking louder than mere whispers, I let out a small groan, trying to ignore the fact that I was getting more attention than I was used to. "Yeah he's the one.. Who almost kicked the bucket."

A chuckle passed through my lips, I honestly don't know why I thought it was funny but something in me just had to laugh. It's not like any of these people would understand right? No one would know the pain I was feeling.

Taking a few steps back towards the girls I let out a simple smile and mutter the words, "I'm selfish." before walking past them once more, the girls just stood at me in confusion. They didn't comprehend what was going on through my own mind, and they probably never will.

"Lucky girls.." I muttered once more towards myself. This day was scorching hot. Already wearing the white long sleeves ,to cover my wounds on my arms, with a black band tee adding to the heat, including a black scarf wrapping around my neck tightly having most of the fabric cover my mouth. Positioning a black beanie to hide my silver white hair.

I glare at the ground as I walk towards the table my friends usually hang out at. Lucky people getting to wear short-sleeved shirts and shorts. While I am suffering with covering my body from head-to-toe, I curse under my breath before looking up.

CRASH!

Not paying attention to my surroundings my face meets with a sudden blue pole as my nose starts squirting out a little blood. I shrug the unbearable pain away. While people look at me more, quickly walking faster letting the blood drip onto my scarf.

I close my eyes as I am about a few steps away from the table. My heart is pounding against my chest, I feel like it's the first day of school once more, nervous about everything. Wondering what my so-called friends are going to say to me.

I hear a squeal quickly opening my eyes as my silver hues observe where the noise comes from. It's none other than Lenalee Lee. Running quickly up to me she wraps her arms around my neck holding me close. My face flushes a light crimson, _thank god I'm wearing a scarf_, I mutter in my mind.

"ALLENN~!" she cries out, holding me tighter as she quickly pulls away from me, it seems like she has tears in her eyes, I stare blankly at her as she wipes away the liquid from her eyes. "HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO US?" exclaiming out loud as people turn towards her gazing at her like she's a mad women.

"Please.." I start out, my hands placed at my sides, as I begin to walk towards the table placing my head against the cold metal. "Come over here, you're making such a racket." Weirdly she obeys, sitting closer towards me she stares at me for the longest time.

Silence.

Why is there always awkward silence with the girls I talk to? Is there something wrong with me or am I just a boring person. That I can't say anything to them without having someone around. I shrug off the worry in my mind as I turn my face looking up at her. Behind the scarf I am smiling, though she can't see it. And I won't show my face to her. I want to lay low. Though I doubt that will happen. Especially how I am dressed and with the rumor going around.

Maybe I shouldn't have come to school so soon? Well.. To late now I guess, I am here and I have nothing better to do at the park anyways. Maybe thinking of a place to sleep or live. Who knows?

"Allen.." she speaks once more in a more sincere tone, "If you need anyone to talk to.. You know I am here for you?"

A bitter-sweet laugh escapes from my lips, "Really Lenalee? How could you honestly lie to me like that?" She looks at me startled, "W-What do you mean…?" I shake my head, turning my head away from the preppy female, "You'd rather fuck around with your boyfriend than help any of your friends. Apparently he's the only one you want to be with so why not go run those pretty little legs of yours towards him and tell him how cruel Allen is being."

She sniffles, and I honestly don't care, hearing her boots clack against the cement, I think she was running towards someone and once again I am alone. I shrug it off, I am used to the _lonely _feeling. By now my life has been one charade of emptiness.

I don't want to reunite with any of my friends right now, they probably are going to yell the same thing "Suicide isn't the way to go." blah. Blah. Blah. I'm starting to get sick of people telling me what's right and what's wrong.

* * *

Road was walking towards the gate of the school, having Allen and Lulubell both leaving the school she was quiet. She didn't have someone to wrap her arms around and whine to. She didn't have her best guy friend to attack when he said something sarcastic to her.

Sure there was David, Miranda, even Kanda was there but it was so out of place without Allen or Lulu. She let out a sigh as she began walking her petite self towards the table. She was always late but today she was early. To early. And it ate at her, she wanted to know how her friends were doing. However she couldn't skip school, and she had no place to look.

Walking closer towards the table she noticed an unusual figure sitting at their table. She walked slowly towards the person as she caught a glimpse of white. She couldn't believe her eyes, she walked closer towards the person she spoke in a ghostly whisper. "Walker?"

* * *

I lift my head up, only one person calls me by that name, a small smile comes across my lips, as she walks over towards me and whacks me in the head as I whine out loud. "WHAT WAS THAT FOR?"

She sat before me and glared at me, "What the hell Walker! You look like a freaking ninja." the first sentence she says to me after the incident, and I can't help but utter a laughter. "Well have you seen anyone else yet?" she asks nonchalantly, I shrug her question off before speaking, "Well Lenalee, but she went running off from how _cruel _I am."

She let out a quiet sigh, "Allen you're so vicious some times you know that right?" I stare at her and shrug once more, "What do you want me to do Road? All she cares about is that boyfriend of hers."

Road nodded, she knew I wasn't lying and she had to agree with me. I mean most of the time I speak is based on what I observe. "But Allen.. You need to learn how not to always speak the truth, maybe sometimes you should keep your mouth closed."

"Fine. Maybe I should become a mute and never speak a word again? Would you like that Miss Road?" when in the hell did I start becoming so formal? Once more I lay my head down onto the table, just starting to ignore Road every single word that comes out of her mouth I don't even bother myself with it.

The bell rings and I let out a sigh, I stand up and look at her, "Don't tell anyone I'm here okay? I don't want people to know I've returned from that dreadful place. Promise me you won't mention my name like every other day alright?"

She stares at me for the longest time before nodding, "I promise." she mutters.

I smirk, "That's probably the first promise in my life that's actually going to mean something." I shrug slightly and begin to walk towards my first class. Starting the school routine once again feels kind of weird, I am not used to it yet. But I know I will.

* * *

"Allen you're as foolish as ever." Road mutters as she sits at the table and watches the boy walk towards his classes, "Why won't you let anyone in anymore? We're not like him you should know that." Road gets up and heads on to her first class. An hour worth of pondering waiting to see the reaction of the friends Allen and her share.

"I think everyone would be happy that you've returned."

She grasps slightly onto her pencil tightly.

"I _know I am.."

* * *

_ I was trying to end this story in this chapter but I think it's going to have to wait. :P I feel like there isn't enough said yet. I think 2 more chapters will do it :3 So until then -enen :D


	11. Just Friends

Walking slowly towards my first class I let out a small sigh, the bell had rung once again. "Great I'm late." For that matter I honestly didn't care how late I was, that was the old me. Always worrying about getting a tardy, always freaking out that I won't meet peoples expectations of me.

Walking towards the door my hand trembles, placing my hand on the knob twisting the door slowly. "Why are you so nervous?" I ask myself out loud, gulping softly I open the door, as the rest of my classmates turn towards the door and stare at the distraction of their lesson.

The teacher just looks at me and speaks in a soft, sincere voice. "Are you Allen Walker?" I nod gently, "You know you're late right?" Once more I nod. _Like I really care? _Asking myself. "Well just take a seat in the front and everyone welcome our new friend." she smiled at me, and I deep down inside just wanted to hide in a corner.

Instead, I flashed my signature smile. Walking towards the newly assigned seat for me. Without noticing someone was staring at me in shock, I looked around staring at the people around me when my eyes met with someone so familiar.

"No.."

"No way.."

We both mouthed out, how could life be so cruel and make me have the same class as the one who put me in the hospital. We stared at each other for what seemed like forever, until the teacher called on the male. "Lavi Bookman, would you like to read the passage?"

"Y-Yes ma'am.." he stuttered, once more looking at me, as I looked down, not letting him catch the weird nervous feeling in me.

While the redhead read something from the book I stared down at the desk, the question kept running through my mind, _why of all people? Oh why merciless God, would you do this to me once more? _Placing my head on my book bag as I closed my eyes wanting this day to already end.

Almost in a daze I get interrupted, "No sleeping in class Mister Walker." I groan quietly as I lift my head up, "What exactly am I supposed to do in this class miss?"

"Well you need to get a book, called _The Scarlet Letter _by Nathaniel Hawthorne, have you heard of it?"

I nod, "Yeah, the story where the women commits adultery right? Having to wear that infamous "A" on her clothing?" The teacher smiles at me once more, "Great so you have heard of it. Well we are reading this book for this class. So please go to the textbook room and you shall get yourself one okay?"

I smile back at her, "Of course ma'am, but for now what shall I do?"

She just stares at me for a while before handing me some papers, "Well why not pass these out to everyone, and you'll need to make up some work okay?" I grasp onto the papers as she hands me the seating chart, she wouldn't expect me to know any of these people right? Hell I don't even know half of these people.

I get up from my seat and begin to pass out the papers, some of the students looking at me in complete amazement as a shy girl looked at me, blushing slightly as she lightly tugged on my sleeve. "E-excuse me?" I looked at her, she looked tiny in her seat, her blond hair flowing everywhere, and it looked as if she was hiding her left eye with some bandages.

"Yes?" I tilt my head towards the side, as I hand the female her paper, She looks straight into my eyes and smiles softly, "Is that your natural hair color?" I blink, _what a random question, _however I nod and smile softly at the girl, "Yes it is. Caused by trauma." I mutter as I walk past her table. Handing everyone their paper's back, while having someone give Lavi his. Before sitting down once more.

10 more minutes until I am out of this class. I look up at the people in my table.

I learned their names, Chaoji Han, a shy guy who just didn't know how to keep a conversation as he kept looking around the class room. The other person was a girl, she had two braids, in her hair and glasses, I believe her name was Lou Fa.

The interrogation began, mostly by Lou as Chaoji looked around once more, not interested as it seemed.

"What's your name?"

"Allen Walker."

"Cute name," she giggled "Are you new to this school?"

I shook my head, "No I used to go here last year."

"Then why were you not signed in to this class before?"

I shrug lightly, "I don't know but I am here now I guess."

And here came the questions about my looks,

"Is that your natural hair color?"

"Yeah."

"Why are you dressed like that it must be like 100 degrees outside."

My gaze looks at the clock, just a few more seconds, I have to stall this chick, before she wants to look into my personal life.

"Well?" she asks once more,

I open my mouth and before a word can come out the bell rings. Saved by the bell! I smile wide as I quickly bolt out of the door, being the first person out of my class without looking I bump into someone.

"I-I'm so sorry!" I exclaim as a light tint of crimson flush across my cheeks, before looking up at who I crash into.

"Allen?" I blink multiple times before realizing who I hit. It was none other than Lavi. _How the hell did he get out of the class before I did? _I gulp softly and look at the classroom. Two doors? I should really examine where I am going more often.

He held his hand out offering to help me up as I shake my head, quickly standing up and picking the bag that I had dropped from my shoulder. "No thank you." I huffed out dusting my pants off before I start walking away, without knowing the redhead grasps onto my hand.

"What do you want Lavi? I have nothing to say to you."

He stares at me without saying anything, "I heard a rumor about you."

I shrug slightly, without responding to anything he is saying _I just want to go meet up with Road. Why won't he just let me go?_ I squirm my hand slightly, trying to get free from his grasp. "I want to confirm something." and with those words piercing at my thoughts he quickly lifts my sleeve up, exposing the wounds that were starting to heal.

"So it was true.." I looked away, catching the red head off his guard I pulled my arm away and ran straight through the hall-way.

Knowing he wasn't following me, I hide next to one of the trashcans, panting softly. Rubbing the wound gently before sliding myself up. Walking towards the table where I knew my friend Road would be.

* * *

Once there I sat quietly next to Road, she was blabbering on about how horrid her class was, and all I could do was nod and act like I was interested in what she was saying. Stuffing my mouth with some chocolate muffin the female had given me.

I looked straight, noticing a very nosy red head, linked arm in arm with a female who had pink hair. "Clearly dyed." I muttered softly, as she couldn't keep her gaze off of Lavi. It seemed as if her eyes were sparkling at the read head.

Road noticed were my gaze was as she let out a small sigh, "Him and her again?" I turned quickly to what she had said, "What do you mean Road?" I asked, some what interested in what was happening.

"That's Chomesuke.." she paused, looking at the two once more, "She's very obnoxious, and wanting everyone to know…." once more a silent pause, as if she didn't want me to find out something.

"That Lavi is _her_ man."

I swallowed the muffin hard as I stared at the apparently new found _couple. _"Is that so?" For some reason I couldn't believe it,

"Don't be sad Allen." Road spoke to me softly, I looked at her with a half-hearted smile, "Why would I be sad Road-chan?"

I wasn't sad to say the least, actually deep down I wanted to laugh, but I wasn't going to, because then Road would have thought I lost it.

Maybe I actually had lost it? Maybe I deserve to be locked away for ever.

Before I could stand up and throw my trash away, the pink-haired female glared at me, making me feel a bit to uneasy. She cleared her throat and spoke out loud, "OH LAVI~ YOU'RE THE GREATEST BOYFRIEND I'VE EVER HAD!~" It seemed as if she was redirecting it to me.

I rolled my eyes and stood up, "Where are you going Allen?" Road's golden eye's examined my face, trying to look for an answer on her own.

I grinned at the small female, "Don't worry Road, I'm not going to run away from this anymore."

She just nodded and watched as I threw my trash away, the red head had noticed I was at the table and put it all together why Chomesuke was being obnoxiously loud. His smile turned into a frown quickly.

Whether or not he was upset that his newly found girlfriend or the fact that I was wearing a smile on my lips the whole time passing by them. The girl was over-protective of her 'man', apparently she had heard secrets of Lavi and I. Though I didn't care. I was happy. Truly happy, walking towards my friend, Road. Sitting right beside her with both smile at each other.

We were just friends. And that's how it was supposed to be. Road and I were completely happy as friends.

* * *

A/N: Well This might sound like that last chapter VoV but I'm not sure ): I mean Once I finish this story I have been working on a story in class, pretty good I must say and yes, It's Laven xD Because I am on a short Hiatus for _The Walk_, _The Runaway_, and _Glass From Above _since the chapters are on my home computer and I don't remember what I wrote ToT plus the monitor broke down. So I might post that one up shortly. Since it is written on a notepad :D i am rambling so please. REVIEW :D that is all. -enen


	12. Be by my side

A/N:Basically this is just a Filler type of Chapter. :D since I haven't updated in like about 2 months? I needed to do a small..but helpful filler.

If anyone is actually still reading this story I honestly appreciate it. you have no clue how much it means to me n.n

Disclaimer: Enen doesn't own DGM. :3 now get to reading~

* * *

"Road let's go." I muttered, without asking any questions we went towards the exit of the school, sneaking out was always a piece of cake. For some reason teachers never expected us or mainly me to not do something bad.

Once we were out of the clear we walked towards the church, a perfect place to hide out, no one expects children to hide out in a church, something people thought of a sacred place to them.

In my opinion though, I just thought it was a meaningless place, a place where people place their false beliefs into something. So no one can feel alone.

Maybe we all just need a place to go to, to shove our hopes, our dreams onto. To not feel so alone in this world. Or not.

We walked around the corridors for a while looking around to see if anyone was going to spot us. "Walker, I think were in the clear." Road muttered finding a bench to rest her feet.

Pulling out my carton of cigarettes and my lighter, I placed the nicotine in my mouth trying to lighten the blasted thing. "So you're smoking again?" I turned to her, tossing her the carton and lighter.

"Thought you'd never ask." She smirked, Road was the only person who know about my smoking. Hell if anyone else knew I'd probably get yelled at.

David was the fatherly type, he didn't like having his friends do drugs, drink, or even cause themselves self harm. I know _all _of them are bad but still, it's my own life and I should be able to do anything I wanted, after all you only live life once, and _none _of us make it out alive.

I sighed taking a long drag before I wasn't in the mood anymore to even finish my cig, throwing it to the floor, stomping on it quickly before it could light anything. I always had this fear that if I left a smoke on the floor it would eventually light everything on fire.

"So Walker, what exactly are we doing anyways." Road finally speaking for what seemed like forever, I shrugged, "Who really knows Road, I just didn't want to be there. In _that place_." I spat out. "Where everyone judges you for what you've done. For having teachers always so cautious on what they say so they won't offend you." I took a deep breath, "I'm tired of being that one kid who tried to kill himself."

Road took one long drag, letting the smoke slowly escaping her lips. "Well Allen, you know that's what happens when you really do try to off yourself, over some stupid guy." Looking disappointed at her cigarette, tossing it to the floor as her heel clacked against the remainder of the nicotine.

"Yeah I guess you're right. I'm pretty pathetic huh?" I wasn't expecting her to answer, hell I probably knew she was going to agree with me, so instead I walked towards the staircase, not bothering to even use them I jumped off the ledge, looking up at her I smirked faintly. "Come on, let's go before someone sees us ditching school."

She followed after me, hurrying towards the staircase jumping the last one. "Ohh~ Allen's being all bad ass now, I wonder what was so traumatic that made you decide to join my side." She teased, and I just chuckled at her, because in all honesty, I just didn't know.

I still don't know.

"Hm, where can we bum out for a while, you know lay low?"

She hummed softly for a while, until she let out a gasp, you know those types of gasps as if you've discovered something you remembered from a long time ago. "Kyle and Jay's house!"

I stared at her with confusion, "I thought those two, or mainly Kyle, would be in jail by now."

Road just laughed, "Well Kyle was for a while, 'cept his little goody-tissues of a brother bailed him out. Considering Kyle is the only family member the poor kid has."

"That's pretty fucked." I interrupted,

"Yeah I know, but Noah really does love Kyle, even though it doesn't seem like it, but I don't understand little Noah is growing up and he has Gino, and I hear they are doing pretty well together."

"Ah.. Well.." I didn't really know what to say, I remembered Noah, it was awkward to say the least. We were both drunk off our asses, and well.. Some things went sour and let's just say Lavi wasn't really happy to find me laying in someone else's bed other than his own. "What about Jayden?" I just wanted to change the subject on Noah.

"Jayden's old route has changed drastically, " she began, taking a lollipop out of her purse, it always seemed Road had candy on her. No matter what the type was, "Ever since Samuel was introduced to him."

"No way." I spoke out loud, "I can't believe everyone in the druggie group is getting with each other."

Road just laughed, "Aye you can't call us that!" she pretended to act hurt of the poor choice of words I used, "Besides you were there with us all the time. Getting drunk of course."

I nodded, we finally exited out of the church, or next destination would be Kyle's house, somewhere I've been dodging ever since Lavi and I had became an item, and fuck have I missed those guys.

"Now Jayden, has his ears pierced, angel bites and even tattoos all over his right arm." she shrugged at the mention of his arm, "He whined like a bitch but he managed to get over it."

"Wow." I mouthed, I couldn't believe Jayden, the whiniest of all of us had gotten a tat!

"Don't be so in shock, Sam and Jay both get it. Samuel's has Jay's name on his left arm and well, you know Jayden has Sam's name on his right." She stuck out her tongue, "If ya ask me, that lovey dovey bull shit is overrated."

I nodded slightly, "Oh yeah, I know what you mean by that." I let out a fake chuckle as we continued down the street, if I remembered correctly we were about three minutes away, but before I knew it I was wrong. We were already there.

"Kylez~ Jaydeepoo~" Road chimed as she rang the door bell, waiting patiently, I sat down on the mini-staircase, until the door opened with a loud thud.

Kyle wincing a bit at the noise, "shit man! Jay's going to throw a fucking hissy-fit over this fucking door!" Not caring that he was swearing like a sailor, he stopped and stared at Road and me, with a wide smirk appearing against his lips.

"Why look who it is." he mused, "It's the ol' goody-two shoes Allen Walker, what in the world might have you come crawling back into our drug filed world hm?"

I rolled my eyes at the male, "Can't you just drop it and let us in?"

The raven haired male shook his head, his hazel hues gleaming with determination, "Well Rocky Road can go inside but you need to answer my question dear boy."

I sighed, slapping my hand against my forehead, "Let's just say I got bored with the clean life without any of my true friends, plus I'm back and ready than ever to be welcomed back into the low-life class. Now please let me in."

He nodded slightly, letting me and Road walk into the dirty household. "This place never gets cleaned." Kyle stated, "ever since Noah thought about joining the forces we just got into this big ol' argument and he's run off with Gino." He slouched onto one of the couches without piles of clothing and shrugged lightly, "Not that I really care anyways. He was a pest to me from the beginning."

"Harsh don't you think?" I muttered, looking at him as he shrugged lightly, watching Road throw some clothes on the floor and sit down, making herself right at home. "Does it really matter though Walker? I mean it makes so much of a better place to party and fuck around without that big baby." Road spoke nonchalantly, "Besides I bet he's far to busy getting a piece of Gino's ass all night long anyways."

"Disgusting man!" Kyle faked a gag, "I don't want to think of my little brother fucking his new toy." he threw a dirty pair of socks at the girl making the female shriek.

Without even noticing, one of the room door's came flying open, with a petite blond wearing what seemed to be a very lose shirt, sprawling out of the room in a full panic mode, "Oh my god what's going on?" His cerulean hues examined the room.

"Nothing's going on Jay, calm down will ya?" Kyle spoke in a calm tone, it seemed that Jayden replaced Noah as Kyle's little brother, Jayden whined softly as Samuel came out of the room with a loud yawn.

"What's with the screaming." The red-haired male came out, in nothing but boxers, coming to a halt once he caught a glimpse of me. I gulped softly and gave a weak smile, "Hey Sam..Jay, it's been a while hasn't it?"

They both looked at each other before Jayden let out a quiet squeal and jumped towards me giving me a hug, "Oh my lord Ally~ we've missed you! How have you been doing?"

I coughed slightly, being held tightly, "J-Jay.." I muttered, "Please let me go."

"Opps!" the blond exclaimed letting me go, "but how have you been doing? It's been a little dull without you here."

He pouted and I just smiled, that same smile I had when I was always around Jayden, he seemed to make things seem a whole lot better.

"Well it seems like everyone from the past is just coming around huh?" Everyone turned to see who the voice belonged to and all of our jaws dropped when we found out who it was.

It was Noah. But no he couldn't be alone he had Gino clinging onto his waist, with Lavi standing beside them with the hatred fuming in his eyes. I gulped softly as I ducked down, "There's no point in hiding Allen." Muttered Noah, so I slowly lifted my head up looking anywhere but at the door.

"Awe what's going on here?" Gino, the other dumb blond in the room, he was new to the group and honestly didn't know what was better for him, or when to talk and just when to shut the fuck up.

"It's none of your business Gino." Kyle muttered, lighting up a cigarette, knowing perfectly well it would just piss Noah off. He put the lighten cigarette towards his lips inhaling slowly savoring the flavor, before letting out a long slow exhale of smoke clouding his area.

"At it again aren't you brother." Noah spat out, already starting to get annoyed with his older brother, and everyone could see it. Which made everyone uneasy to say the least.

"You're point squirt?" Kyle just shot back,

"You know our parents wouldn't approve of this." Noah said calmly.

I squirmed in my seat, feeling Lavi's gaze at me as Road just starting chewing gum, I swear I don't know where this girl gets all the money for her candy addiction and her formal drug addiction.

"What parents they're gone. Never coming back ever since you were born." He bitterly spoke.

"It's not my fault for the last fucking time! Dad was trying to kill me. You know how he was Kyle." The tone in Noah's voice cracking at each word he spoke.

Kyle just shot a glare at the younger teen. "You never understood him Noah, he was always insane but you had to kill him."

Everyone grew silent, I quickly stood up, "C-Come on you guys I think we sho-"

Getting cut off by the sound of Noah slamming his hand against the wall. "Be quiet Allen. We all know why you are here anyways!"

I froze, _why exactly was I here in the first place?, _I asked myself, but before I could speak he spat out, "You're just here because Lavi over here thought he was just to good enough for a cheating whore like you. And I gotta say he's right. You were just to easy boy."

I looked away, I was ashamed of myself, everyone in this room knew, well except Gino, but like I said he was new into the group.

Gino gasped softly placing his hand onto his brunette lover's shoulder. "Noah please.. Relax, you're not taking it out on Allen."

"Allen why are you even here." Finally Lavi spoke to me, with a more seriousness in his tone, I shrugged him off, as best as I could looking for Road for some assistance but she was gone, a long with Jayden and Samuel.

Just my luck right? Stuck in between two brothers who hate each other, for what I honestly don't know or want to know, and my ex lover, thinking the worst of me once more.

"Just like Noah said.." I lied of course, "I'm a cheap whore, and nothing between us never really mattered anyways." I sighed, feeling more disgusted with myself, Lavi knew there wasn't anyone in this room who I would actually mess around with. I mean Noah was a huge mistake but what exactly could I have done.

"Oh.." he just shook his head, I could sense the disappointment within him, making me feel more worse than before. "Well.. I think I should be going.." he spoke, more like whispered.

"I don't think so." Kyle sat up. "I think this whole bull shit should end right were it started. Don't you agree my dearest brother."

"What are you getting at Kyle?" Noah asked, almost afraid of what his brother was thinking.

"Oh you'll see, you and Allen go into my room. Gino stay in the living room and Lavi. You come with me."

Everyone stared at Kyle suspiciously, we all knew that Kyle wasn't someone to fuck with. Noah especially knew this, and was very cautious about his older brother's plan.

"Just do what I say, you know the punishment of disobeying me in my own house." Kyle grinned, he was just as devious as Road. I think both of them together would be the worst, and some how the best plan to destroy something in the same time.

I sighed getting up and walking towards Kyle's bedroom, passing Lavi as he grabbed onto my arm. I turned to him. Our eyes met, for a split second before I pulled my arm away from him. "I need to go." I muttered before walking faster towards the room.

I sat on the floor the cleanest area in the whole room, "God damn you Kyle." I muttered softly, running my hand through my white hair. Hearing the door open behind me I jumped slightly turning towards the person. Noah. He just stared at me and muttered, "Why hello slut." I just ignored him, but he kept going, "Oh so now the whore can't speak or does all he know are moans and screams?"

I could just her the smirk in his voice, he was just like Kyle at times, and I swear it scared me at some points. Trying my best to ignore him not knowing Kyle and Lavi were behind the door listening in.

* * *

"You see that Lavi?" Kyle whispered softly towards the red-head, a grin never leaving his lips, "The poor boy gives and gives everything to you even without noticing, he gives and all you do is take. You mooch off the boy."

Lavi looked down, placing his ear closer towards the door, "Be quiet they might here us."

Kyle shook his head, "Do you ever think about him? You've taken his first of everything and once you've used him up you throw him away and find another play thing to mess around with, By the way how is she anyways?" He winked at the red-head.

Lavi clenched his hand into the fist lightly pounding the carpeted floor, "Shut up about her." he muttered, trying to hide the anger in his voice.

* * *

I finally got annoyed with Noah and nearly shouted out, "You don't know me Noah! The only reason you were even allowed in my pants is because I was drunk off my ass! You would have never got what you wanted if it weren't for Lavi breaking up with me for the millionth time."

Noah just shook his head, "He didn't break up with you, you were still together when I fucked you. You were screaming louder and louder with time, 'Harder, Harder' is what you kept repeating over and over. Did you even give a shit about how it would hurt Lavi?"

I shook my head, "You shut up! You shut your filthy murdering mouth!" I struck a nerve in Noah and I could tell, he was getting pissed more and more and I felt the tension in the room.

"You're lucky I can't lay a hand on you.. But I know who can." With that Noah left the room leaving me alone in my thoughts, wondering who actually could lay a hand on me. Or actually who I would let to harm me.

Am I really here to just be pushed around? Will someone anyone, please just look at me and see I'm suffering every time I see you, my heart just sinks.

I know we have our own pain, each we caused on our own and I just want to be set free..

Free and _alive with you by my side._

_

* * *

_A/N: IF i have upset you with the whole church thing please. don't take it personal. It never happened. And please don't bitch and moan to me. if you dont like it please just ignore it, it's really not that hard.

With the characters: Kyle. Jayden. Noah. Samuel. They are my OC. None of them actually in DGM. They are part of my twisted mind. xD so if there is anything else i forgot to mention I am sorry. but **Review** please.

-enen out~


	13. Poison

A/N: First off I want to thank the people who have added this story to favorites/story alerts/reviewed. :D thank you it means a lot to me.

SECOND of all of course we know I don't own DGM or the brillance of William Shakespeare(as you will see later on.)

Thirdly the OC characters (Kyle, Jay,Noah, Sam) are still based off my own personas. No one else has these little messed up guys; or they shouldn't anyways.

If there is anything else (besides my spelling errors of course) I probably have forgotten it :D but anyways onward towards the story~

* * *

Just as Noah left a split second later Kyle came in with the red head that I've come to hate with a passion. "Now you two kids play nice.~" He mused shoving an unwilling Lavi into the room. Without a thought I moved far away from the door, far away from Lavi sitting at the corner of the room.

I do what I always did to drown out the noise, to drown out the yelling of my adoptive parents. I press my knees to my chest, wrapping around them tightly lowering my head onto my knees just drying to drown it all out. Closing my eyes tightly, "Just make everything go away." I muttered, I didn't want to feel anymore. Not like this not to be locked in the room like this, it only hurt more.

My voice got louder, and I didn't care if Lavi answered me or not, "Why is it that every time I try to avoid you, to do my hardest to keep away from you, something pulls me back. Pulls me back to you?"

He kicked at the door, cursing under his breath until he heard me, I felt his stare turn on me, so I assumed that he quickly stopped what he was doing and was once more paying attention to me. "You know I was wondering the exact same thing, why can't I keep away from you Allen?"

"Just stick with your girlfriend, I'm sure she'll be pissed to know you're near me, after all you are _her man._" I spoke bitterly, his new girlfriend honestly pissed me off, and no I wasn't jealous it was just, she was those preppy girls who needed attention to get through the day, I honestly don't know why he even got with her. Those girls weren't his type. Well that's what he told me anyways.

"She doesn't know I'm here. She thinks I'm with a friend actually."

I scoffed, "Isn't lying not a great way to start a relationship, after all you should think after what you've been doing with me all these months."

"Well sorry if I was concerned about you!" He spat out, quickly regretting what he just said, "Forget what I just said." he quickly began kicking the door once more.

"Concerned about me?" I mocked a laugh, "I don't want your pity Lavi, I don't need it besides you should be more concerned about the girl your dating."

"Lay off my girl." He said flatly, "She has nothing to do with me worrying about what's happening to you."

"What exactly is happening to me that I can't take care of myself for?"

He sighed, once more stopping his _violent_ action towards the door and pressed his back towards the wood, "I saw you and Road smoking at the church. I was going to follow you both to see what exactly was going to happen next when I met with Noah and his boyfriend. He told me what always happens when you hit your lowest, you go back to the place where it all started."

I stared at the red head_, Am I really that predictable? _I asked myself before retorting "So basically you were stalking me? Should I file a restraining order on you?"

He chuckled softly, "Just as a smart ass as ever huh Sprout?" he shook his head, "However Noah was right, you both came here a place where you know you don't belong. But you came and I didn't want you too, I thought I took you away from this awful drug filled life."

"Don't forget the alcohol." I smiled to myself, alcohol was my poison, it was something that used to get me up in the morning, something that I needed to make the day go by faster.

It made me feel numb. Not being able to feel anything was the best feeling in my life. Until I met _him_.

"Why are you even here Allen? These people are just going to destroy everything we've made together, you haven't picked up any alcohol in seven months why are you going to waste what we've made."

"What _we've_ made?" I loved mocking him, it was always something fun to do, just to watch him get pissed, "You mean what you've kept me from correct? These people are my friends. I belong at the bottom with them, so why don't you be the one to leave. I am staying here this is who I am Lavi, if you don't like it you should have never came to the party in the first place."

He growled, I could tell already he wasn't liking what I was saying, and it was time to push some more buttons, I wanted him out of this house, and just out of my life for good. "I mean after all you should have noticed seeing an underage kid throwing up in the alley where you took advantage of the whole situation, I must say, you really are quiet the animal don't you think?"

A smirk appeared across my lips, "God damn it Allen! I've apologized for that over and over again! Why do you think I wouldn't even kiss you even when we were dating! I was afraid I might take advantage of you again.." he took a deep breath, trying to relax but spat out, "But you didn't have any trouble when you slept with Noah right?"

I stared at him, having nothing else to say, he was right I don't recall what exactly happened to me and Noah but I do remember a fight between Lavi and Kyle. "You know damn well I don't remember that night Lavi!"

There was no way he was going to make me the bad guy, was I being selfish? Maybe I was but what exactly could I do?

"So just because you can't remember the night doesn't mean the pain in my chest suddenly disappeared! You know how disgusted I felt being with you after that? Knowing another man took you, he took you from me Allen."

I stood up, walked closer towards the other male, standing in front of him, he looked away at first before I caught his chin between my fingers, forcing him to look straight at me, "If you hated being with me since that night why did you let everything drag on? Why exactly did you let this continue? Huh? If I am such a disgusting being to you why'd you still kiss me after? Telling me everything was okay."

I felt myself weaken , just the stare of his emerald eyes looking into mine, my legs wobbled and my voice pitching higher. "I-If you knew why'd you fucking stay?"

"Because I love you, and I thought.." He shook his head, "It doesn't matter what I thought."

"Don't you mean 'loved'" he gazed at me, giving me a puzzled look, while I just kind of let out a nervous chuckle, "you said love, but were talking about the past tense, so you're supposed to say 'loved' instead of 'love'"

He stared at me before he too let out a small forced chuckle, "Weren't we just arguing and you want to correct my grammar? Allen sometimes I want to know where you are whenever I tell you that I love you."

I gulped softly, "I guess.. I don't just like hearing those words is all. I suppose I just needed to change the subject, at least for a little while."

He just shook his head, pulling away from me and even though I know he hated the room we were in he slid himself onward towards the comforter, keeping his distance from me, "You told me I was afraid of commitment but really, wasn't it you? Wasn't it you who'd always break up with me for some stupid reason. So tell me whose the one who really has the commitment issues. Me or you?" He paused and stared at me, his gaze heavy, dull and lifeless.

I stood quiet for what seemed like the longest time, _shit_, I thought to myself, _how exactly am I going to get out of this one?_ I knew how to usually change a subject with Lavi, but this time sweet talking won't get me out of this one. "Well?" he looked at me, it seemed he already knew the answer, and it felt like he knew what I was planning. Damn him for knowing my every movement! My gaze looked above him, making it seem like I was looking at him but without really doing it. Which was always a great way to cheat at arguments like this.

"Well what?" I didn't know how long we were supposed to stay in this room but I was doing the best I could do to stall, and once more he saw right through me, letting out a loud sigh. "I already know your answer Allen. I know you, everything about you, but I never expected it to be just like this. Locked in a room still trying my hardest to get you to open up to me."

I shrugged, "Why should I open up to someone who means absolutely nothing to me now?"

* * *

"Kyle what the hell are you doing?" Noah let out a raspy whisper towards his older brother, "I could have cracked the boy without any regret, why did I have to send Lavi in there?"

Kyle let out a low chuckle, placing a small bottle beside the door as he began walking away from the door, without turning towards his brother, "Because it only hurts more when someone you _love, _breaks you, if it's someone who you really don't care about, it won't hurt him." he looked back at his brother, "and let's face it Allen doesn't really care about you. So you hurting him wouldn't do that much damage understand?"

Noah stared at his older brother, "Wait so you want Allen to get hurt? I thought he was your friend?" He looked at the door, hearing some shouts biting onto his lip before, letting out a sigh and walking faster towards his brother, "What are you planning Kyle?"

The older brother just turned towards his brother, with a devious smirk peering from his lips, "It's simple my feeble little brother. Lavi will break Allen, and Allen will come crawling back to us, well me anyways and he will be putty in our hands."

"You're a heartless bastard you know that brother?"

"Yeah I know but no one is going to stop me anyways." He let out a chuckle and plopped down onto the couch, "Now get your shit and you and you're fag lover get the fuck out of my house."

"Fine Kyle. But you know your only doing this because you hate being alone." Noah walked out of the hose, as Gino stood at the door looking at Kyle, "I think you shouldn't be so cruel to your little brother. He's the only one you got after all."

With that the blond closed the door, as Kyle scoffed, _Oh naïve some of these people can be. _he chuckled to himself, Kyle knew the truth, Noah wasn't his real brother, hell even his parents weren't his true parents. The truth of it all was that he was adopted. Adopted into an abusive family.

"Poor blondie will never understand, Noah isn't the only one I have. I never wanted him in the first place." Kyle spoke to himself, "Besides, I have Jayden, Samuel, Road, and even Allen."

* * *

Istared at the floor, noticing a book peering from under Kyle's messy bed, "What could this be?" I asked out loud, as he knelt down, Lavi slightly interested in what I had found he leaned in, while I picked up the book , "Romeo and Juliet?"

Lavi leaned back, with disappointment smearing across his face, "My precious Capulet, we cannot be for my family's name is a Montague" he spoke out, I stared at the book for the longest time, why would Kyle have a tragic love story in his room. Though I responded, "Yes, my dearest Montague.." I paused staring at the red head.

A sad smile passed Lavi's lips, as I continued, "But _what's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet, _why is it not that we cannot toss away our names for I shall abandon the name of a Capulet and you.. Of a Montague."

I held the book closer towards myself, biting onto my lower lip not allowing to let a moment of weakness pass me once more.

In some ironic sense I was the Juliet in this story of life. They didn't have a happy ending and neither would I. I loved someone who didn't belong to me anymore. I would have to give it all up and in order to do this, I would metaphorically do what the heroine did in the story, stab the love I have for him.

Let it be Buried Alone Forever,

Let it be Forgetton.

Let it stay Unwanted.

"Allen." he called my name, but for some reason I couldn't respond, I held the book tightly towards my chest, having my eyes closed tightly. He called me once more, "Allen?" his voice more unsteady, I opened my eyes looking at him as I smiled softly. "I'm sorry.." I responded.

I walked towards the door, slowly and carefully turning the knob. Watching the door open I noticed a small bottle beside it, bending over to lift it up reading the label I let out a chuckle. Ironically enough the label itself said:

_Poison_

Was this how it was going to end?

My curtains were about to finally come down. However would the "prince" get his guy? Or would he end up just like before.

Broken. Unwanted. Beaten down.

Would he truly be the monster he was sought out to be?

Set me free. Set this monster free, dear bookman.

* * *

A/N: Adding the Romeo and Juliet was a MUST for me, though I feel like it was a little cliche/cheesy. But that probably will be the rarest thing to cheese/fluff for me or my stories. I'm just going to leave that to my friend ms. butterfly ;) trust me. her stories are corny enough for my dark/depressing stories and her's put together. (rl friend dont take it to heart other people). ANYWAYS :D you people know the drill. **Review**. Read and Live on! -enen out :D


	14. Running

A/N: Guess what's back? xD lolo since people have seemed to like this story o3o more than I thought they would Learn your lesson has returned! and in due time as well. I will say there will only be a couple of chapters left like 3 maybe more but because I've had a huge writers block with all my stories this is just a small and tiny update. Reviews are appreciated since people have been asking for it back and what not. Anyways..

i think this is more Lavi and Road action but its something nonetheless. (this chapter came out totally different than what I had in mind) enough chatter.~ read on dears.

* * *

It's a funny thing, reopening my eyes to something so dear to my heart. The memories reoccurring as if it was happening all over again, as the my past and my present were dancing alongside each other without really touching at all, not ever knowing they were even beside each other to begin with.

My life, just as much as everyone's having an obstacle to over come, no matter if it was love, depression, heartbreak, death in the family, school, not having enough money to go here or there anything and everything seemed to be a problem now.

And we took it all in, allowing it to either make us or break us. It seemed though, for me, everything was breaking me. I couldn't go a day without adding a new imperfection onto my wrists. There's a reason they are called my imperfections. They carve away the beauty of skin, adding the pain I have or will feel later on. It's an escape something I thought could keep me away from the harsh reality, and the danger in my thoughts.

It never occurred to me, that someone could be thinking the same exact thing like I was, but there must have been maybe their life was or still is more tragic than my pathetic plea for help, maybe just for your attention. I believed I was drowning in a sea, and no one was there to help me out. I still feel like this, though its just that I smile more often than usual.

He seemed to be my little inspiration, and I took it in. I took it all in just for the hint of admiration, passion and dare I say love? Of course, thinking back I was foolish, how could a person like myself at the age of 16 think I could be in love? This was no Disney movie, nor was it The Notebook, A Walk to Remember there was no musical scene for me, most of us never get our Happily Ever After.

So all I ever did was run away, I ran from Lavi, I was scared of my emotions for him, I always seemed to think when something so good was coming to me I had to run away, it would never truly stay.

I was to much of a chicken shit, to even see if something like that could actually stay. I hid my heart away from the world, I hid it from someone who had meant so much to me just to watch them walk out on me. It hurt so much.

So I did what I was used to, what I shall probably always do. Run.

* * *

Pants escaped my lips, I knew I had to get out of there, I just couldn't stand seeing that _look_ in his eye, the look of confusion, betrayal. I snarled at the thought, how could he be feeling betrayed, wasn't it me who was the one who left me cold and alone.

Then it hit me, like a ton of bricks slapping me in the face, knocking me out into oblivion.

It was my fault.

I hurt him.

I caused him all this pain,

I was the one who made him not trust in love again.

I managed to make my way pass the church, not even bothering to look back at it. I only had one goal at the moment I wanted to leave and never let them see me again. I wanted out, and that's exactly what I was going to do. I was going to make them forget all about Allen Walker, make them think I was just a mere memory from them. It was the best idea I could do.

Everything about me was going to change, I was no longer going to be some sad person who didn't know who he was. I wasn't going to let anyone ever see me cry again. I would cry by myself if I needed to. I was going to change, and finally feel like I was free from my own emotions. From myself, it was the only thing I could do and god dammit I was going to do it right.

Of course I was going to need help, and as of now.. I only trusted one person. Road. But she was with them, and I wasn't sure if they.. Well meaning Lavi was still there. I wanted to never see him again, I wanted to make sure that in his heart, and in mine that we were dead to each other.

I sighed quietly, why did this feel so unreal, was it a typical dream-nightmare? I shook my head, my heart was just being foolish, that was all and I had to not let it get to me.

* * *

"Why is he always running?"

"He's afraid of you, of what you do to him, and how you make him feel."

Lavi turned to see the tanned female, "I would have thought you followed him by now." Road shook her head, faintly smiling, "He doesn't trust me anymore. Seeing that we are now on speaking terms."

"Why would you give him up? He's a great person, someone who has a lot to offer. So why exactly would you do that?"

Road just shrugged, "Why do you care? You did the same exact thing as I did right? You betrayed him, broke him down made him the way he is, and made him hate you. So why exactly do you even care?"

Lavi stood there, not really knowing how to answer, "He's a good kid I suppose."

Road just laughed, "Not how he's been acting lately, but I will admit, he has something useful within him.""What is that?"

"He knows how to trust people to easily, letting people like me, or even worse people get inside. He's to gullible. It's kind of funny how he let me just right in, taking your place, but he just wanted someone to care for since you decided to leave him high and dry."

Lavi snarled, "How could he just be friend a horrible person like you, after everything he's done for you for you to just think so low of him. Watch girly, I will make he see what kind of person you are."

Road just laughed, "Good luck with that rabbit. But hurry up boy, you never know what Allen could be doing right at this moment."

Lavi's eyes widened as he realized what the tanned girl had meant, he raced out of the room, _Road couldn't be right about it this time, Allen was on suicide watch wasn't he… but it didn't seem to phase him before. _

Lavi ran, not sure where Allen would be but he wanted to make sure he was okay, even though he didn't understand why he cared, "It's just because I don't want to be guilty, over him doing something stupid like that because of me." Lavi had repeated to himself, over and over making sure to believe that was the truth and to hide the fact that he maybe.. Perhaps even a little bit had cared for the white haired.

* * *

A/N: I actually wanted to write this soon because of some weird dream I had x.x and its to awkward to tell anyone xD (the dream is not this chapter) but it just helped write it out :D what exactly do dreams mean? ): **Review** and until then

-love WTW


	15. Apology

A/N: Once more I am back with another update of Learn Your Lesson. I apologize for not updating anything in a long time, and instead of working on my Senior Project, (which is hell on earth) I decided to write this little number out.

**Warning**: This will be the only chapter in this story that has Lavi's point of view, and of course this is what I thought what my ex-Lavi was thinking so don't be like "OH HES A DICK" **because once more this is my idea of his thoughts.**

Anyways, I believe this story is coming to an end and I have already a wonderful idea of writing a sort of 'sequel' to 'Learn Your Lesson' though it'll probably not be exactly like this story. Because they will be dating. Something like that. I dont know yet, interested in the idea? review/PM for more. :D

Until then please read and leave a review? :3

* * *

_Allen's POV_

I would be lying if I said I wasn't shocked seeing Lavi here, I was pretty damn amazed seeing him.

But I was also angry, why did it feel like he was chasing after me? That thought, that single thought had made me give up on everything I had ever thought about giving up. Of course he wasn't looking for me, of course he didn't want to follow me he didn't want anything to do with me.

I was someone from the past, as was he and it never meant anything.

Love. The whole word makes me disgusted, it makes me want to scream, lash out hell, I wouldn't even mind loosing it on someone.

That word was just disgusting.

And I'll tell you one thing, you would never hear that word come out of my mouth ever again, only and I do mean only if it meant talking about my parents who I'm sure _loved_ me very much.

* * *

_Lavi's POV_

I honestly didn't know why I was running so much, if I could actually find Allen or if I was just running out of sheer anger, of course I wanted to believe I was running because Road had pissed me off but I knew deep down that wasn't the truth, it couldn't be.

Allen was _important_, d-damnit no matter what I've said or what I've done to him he was important and I'll be honest, I fucking hated the very thought.

Of course everyone knew what I did to him, but did they ever think what he's done to me? Of course not, while he played the victim or I think he did play it very well, no one ever stopped and thought 'Hey, Lavi isn't the only one here who hurt Allen, Allen did the same thing to Lavi.'

No, no one though that! Everyone believed I was the cold-hearted asshole, but it wasn't me and Allen knew, he was the one who had the cruel intentions.

His heart was as black as.. Well a black hole (wow.. Lavi that was a horrible simile) I did everything in me to make him smile, hell I stayed up late at nights even though I was dead tired just to see him be happy.

I know I'm an asshole. I know this is true, but honestly I've given up. I've given up on him, and I think its my turn to actually have a life.

I slowly stopped running as I made it towards the town center.

What was I doing? What was I trying to accomplish?

"I'm going ho-" Before I could even finish my sentence I spotted a white mop of hair. _Shit_, Allen was right there..

I noticed him flinching as our eyes meet, his grey dull eyes stared back into my emerald ones.

We both just stared each other down, before he came closer towards me, I noticed the gleam in his eyes making me almost, _ALMOST_ want to reach out to him.

I didn't though, I gulped standing my ground as Allen came closer towards me.

**Silence**.

It was starting to make me feel uncomfortable, and I used to love the silence between us, we'd just sit there, and he'd smile at me, I'd take his hand-

Wait. What the **fuck** am I doing, I don't want to re-think those _memories_, I was getting over them I needed to forget everything , everything that reminded me of him had to be erased. I would make sure of it.

Finally Allen had made his move, tilting his head slightly to the left, his eyes shinning more brightly that when I had first saw him today.

"What are you doing here Lavi?"

Ugh, that innocent voice of his, I bit down onto my lower lip _hard_, even though I was so pissed off the whole 'innocence' of this boy just turned me on.

I couldn't even speak, and that's what was getting to me even more, I just looked down at him, mainly… his lips.

Those luscious petal looking lips of his just called out to me.

"Well~" he mused quietly as I continued to look at him, "Are you going to tell me why you're here or should I just go now?"

Ah.. So his cockiness was coming out once more, I didn't mind of course, I could handle him, no one knew how to make this boy out of control more than I did (and no not in the sexual way you sick-o's … okay.. Sometimes that did count)

_Damn it Lavi! _I cursed to myself,_ get your fucking mind out of the gutter_.

Where was I going with this anyways? I shrugged lightly before finally having the balls to talk, to bad my mouth decided to tell the truth instead of listening to the wonderful lies my mind had set.

"I got worried about you after the talk I had with Road."

Allen just cocked an eyebrow, "Don't worry about me, I'm not going to kill myself after I know the truth."

He wasn't impressed that I ran all this fucking way **without **stopping! The nerve of some people.

"Well you never know with you Allen, you always have some kind of mixed emotions to go and hurt yourself with, so I figured you'd just go and do it again."

Fuck.

That was un-cool, and just when I was about to apologize Allen just smiled. He just freaking smiled at me! Like I had just told some funny ass joke or something!

"U-Uhm.. Allen,"

"Save it Lavi, you're right. I'm just one walking suicide waiting to happen, from now down right to when I was a baby. I've always had something wrong with my life, and I do hope I amused you this past year."

My jaw dropped, well this wasn't turning out as I had planned it.

Then again it never did. I was always shown as the asshole, and right now, it was becoming true. What I had said crossed the line, and I didn't even mean to say something like that.

I fucking _loathed_ my mouth at the moment.

"Allen I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to say that."

His smile just grew, okay what the fuck was going on through that boy's head?

"So are we done? Because I think its about time I book it out of here and find a place to stay."

Now it was my turn to smirk, while that last sentence escaped from his lips his cool, calm look had just turned into full panic and watching the motion of his body I knew what was going to happen next.

He was going to run for it.

Uh-uh, not this time, I wanted to know this time, of course curiosity did kill the cat, and lucky for me I was a rabbit, but nevertheless I quickly grasped onto his wrist as his body had turned away from me.

He jerked forward as he shouted out. "LET ME GO YOU IDIOT RABBIT!"

I could tell know he was freaking out, and I had to do something, I didn't want to make a scene or anything.

So once more I worked on _impulse. _

_I _swear all it was, was impulse.

I pulled him into me and made sure to hold him close, holding his trembling body close to mine own.

"I'm sorry sprout."

* * *

A/N#2: A little sap for you people who like romantic stuff. I call it romantic anyways xD I don't know what you think of it but.. anyways I'll try to write more for my other stories so look for me until then.

-WTW


	16. Saved?

**A/N: **Another chapter of LYL. This chapter wasn't supposed to be like this actually.. it was purely typed on raw emotion last night so it completely changed how it was supposed to be written out but I do enjoy this more than the original chapter and here is a little back story about it:

see the girl who is taking the role of Lavi's girlfriend, she is taking the role of both the people who were crushing on him at the time, though the girl didn't like me and I honestly didnt know why but i didn't like the guy cause he was a douche, but this never happened in person so~ i wanted to make something interesting.

I wrote this because i have been 'writing' a story on my iphone, for about two weeks already, and the chapter isn't even done and fairy tale fantasy is being on hold for a while cause i can't do it at the moment but don't get me wrong I am going to write it soon but as I was saying, I was backtracking on a couple of years ago and I was reading my old formspring questions and it made me angry at myself..and helped inspire writing this chapter. It will come to an end soon.

any spelling mistakes forgive me, review if you'd like.

* * *

My eyes had widened since I had to once more open my big mouth, I didn't even want to look at him, I was such an idiot and now he was going to tell everyone about poor orphaned Allen.

Though I'll admit, it was nice being in his arms again, even though he was pittying me from day one, I didn't care, my heart was pounding and the way he held me so protectively I couldn't help but not give a rat's ass what the reason was or who the hell was looking.

It was like old times and Lavi was the one holding me and only me, not his silly little girlfriend who didn't even deserve him or someone else who was crushing on him from afar, it was me and we both knew that it was me who fit perfectly in his arms.

Though the caring moment had to come to an end, we both knew and I was the one who pulled away first, I had to seem like the one who didn't care, didn't want anything to do with him but we knew it wasn't true.

"Sorry." He muttered sheepishly, looking any where but at me, I was going to try and make a run for it and I assumed he knew my stance from far to many stunts I had pulled before so his hand was on my wrist, holding it tightly, but not to tightly enough to leave a bruise (what? my skin is very delicate and bruises easily!)

"Don't run Allen, we both are exhausted, and by the looks of the bags under your eyes.." He began, as I stood there uneasy, feeling as if he was going to tell my whole story just by one glance, "You can't afford to run away anymore."

I looked down, defeated, not even wanting to look at him or anyone else again as he continued observing me. "Tell me something spr- Allen, when was the last time you had a good, relaxing sleep?"

I looked up at him, droopy eyelids and smiled, "Even as an asshole, you still care hmm?" I shook my head running a hand through the white locks I've become so fixated on, "Don't worry I slept perfectly fine last night and will tonight as well."

His grip tightened, accidentally I'm sure, "Don't lie to me Allen, for fuck's sake! I know you when you lie, just like you know when I lie. Now tell me the truth."

Wincing only a bit I sighed once more, "Alright alright, don't get your panties in a knott," I grinned slightly, "I haven't slept well in a couple of weeks, happy?"

He just shook his head, so I took it upon myself to continue, "I don't see why you want to know the truth if it _hurts _you so badly, I mean I'd rather be told a lie than let someone hurt me knowing it was the truth."

Now it was his turn to smile, a bitter one at that, "Ah I remember hearing that from you a long time ago, saying that's exactly what _I _was feeling, but Allen wasn't it you, who wanted me to still love you, even though we both knew we were only hurting ourselves."

I stood, only taking in small breathes, trying so hard to hold in my anger as I pulled my hand away from him, though he didn't accept it at first, a couple more tugs and he let me go.

"Ah, so I am getting somewhere aren't I?"

I kept quiet, bidding my time as I looked at his pocket, noticing the tune of his cell phone ringing.

Our eyes met once more as I smirked, "Might want to get that, hm? Might be mummy or daddy or even your lil' girlfriend who wants to spend time with her boyfriend."

Even though I was feeling smug, it hurt, hell it burned another hole into my heart, having to talk about his girlfriend like that when we _knew _he was just using her to stay away from me.

I _almost _felt bad for her, thinking that he truly had feelings for her, though all our friends knew that his heart belonged to someone who didn't even deserve it.

He bit down on his lip harder before taking out his phone, looking at the caller i.d, I just knew it was her, telling by the pained look in his eyes as he sighed quietly. "Hold on sprout, I am going to answer this, but.. I don't want you to leave."

Before I can even say anything he answers the phone, staring at me as I cross my arms over my chest groaning quietly, mouthing to him. _Oh yeah, take your time!_

He glared at me, making me keep my mouth shut, _"Lavi where are you? I've asked everyone and no one seems to know where you are at!" _I could just hear the girliness seething out of the phone as I give him the 'you're-really-dating-_THAT_-kind-of-girl' look.

He ignores the look, "Oh..? Yeah sorry, I'm with.." he looks at me, as if I'm some sort of secret or something, "I'm with Allen right now."

_"oh..." _you can almost hear the worry in her voice, _"Are you okay? He hasn't hurt you or anything has he? or he hasn't tried to... you know?"_

I hiss, "OH right! Cause that's all I'm know for? Trying to fucking kill myself, you know I have other good qualities too!" I shout knowing very well that she probably heard my outburst.

She squeaked on the phone, _"Tell him I didn't mean it.. I am just worried for you.. both of you."_

I rolled my eyes, "Its alright sweetcakes, I know you only give a rats ass about Lavi, since I don't even know you."

Lavi put his hand to his phone and glared at me once more, "Can you stop giving my girlfriend a hard time?"

I bit back a laugh, "Oh I'm sorry, why don't you just go run back to the little princess and make her feel _all better_."

"_Lavi... please let me talk to Allen.."_

He hesitated while giving me the phone, "Don't be a dick to her."

"I'm always on my best behavior." I muttered placing the phone to my ear, "What is it sweetcakes?"

She whispered into the phone, "_Please move away from Lavi this needs to be a me and you conversation._"

I looked at Lavi as he rocked on the heels of his feet, "Hey you mind if me and your little buttercup speak more in private? She wants to talk to me."

He grimaces before sitting on the floor, "Go for it, she'll just yell at me if she doesn't get her way."

I just smirk, "Almost like you're dating a chick version of me." I muse before walking a couple of feet away from the sitting red-head.

* * *

oOo

* * *

"Alright buttercup, drop the sweet act what's really going on?"

She chuckled on the other end of the line, "I knew you could see beneath the mask, but then I wouldn't have guessed it from the master of masks himself."

I just rolled my eyes, even though it was pointless, "Gee I'm not sure if I should take that as a compliment or not."

"_I don't like you Allen Walker, you've had Lavi's attention ever since we started dating and it ends now, and your little suicidal stunts will only last for so long."_

I chuckled at that, "Of course your majesty, but you must know something." I paused for dramatic effect, "Think of the way Lavi looks at you, and how he chases after me.. and think before you open that pretty little trap of yours."

I heard her about to rebuttle as I nearly slammed the cell phone shut, trying to regain my posture, though I know Lavi was watching me the whole time, reading my lips and knowing exactly what I was saying.

I walked back to him and smiled sweetly, "Before you tell me anything of what I said to your little princess please, listen to the recording when you get back home and see who the real asshole is."

He held out his hand as I placed the phone in it, letting my hand linger for a moment before pulling away, "You couldn't let me just have this, let me be happy for once?" He said softly, as if he was defeated, broken, once and for all.

I sighed looking at him and giving him a sad smile, "I would have given you the world baby."

I walked away from him, he didn't bother holding onto me, letting disappointment wash over me as I shivered walking behind the store and placing myself down, Road would probably find me here, bring me my bag and something to eat, all I really had to do was _wait_.

Waiting was what I was good at after all, but this time I wondered to myself,

How long would I have to wait this time?

How long until I was **saved**?


	17. Live Your Life

It took a couple of hours for Road to find me, which was fine, I had time to compose myself, and I didn't want my best friend seeing me once more weak, groveling in the dirt.

I needed time to make myself stronger, no one, and I do mean no one was going to pick me up from a broken heart, lead me astray and hopefully find someone new.

To be honest, I didn't want someone new, I wanted to be left alone for a while and I knew it was perfectly fine for me, I didn't want to have to fake some emotions that I didn't feel, that's what got me into this situation in the first place.

I took a couple breathes before I heard the growling of my stomach. "When is she going to get here?" I muttered aloud before getting something thrown at my head.

"Geez Allen!" I turned to look at the item in question, snowballs, the delicious coconut covered delicacy, my mouth watered as she continued on, "Can't seem to do a thing without me huh?" She just smirked and sat down beside me, having what I assumed to be a gym bag full of delicious sweets.

"Well you know me," I mused quietly ripping the plastic contraption apart, before taking a bite of the snack, "Always so dependent on others."

Road chuckled, rolling her eyes at me before taking the other half and taking bites of the treat as well. "Of course sprout and you know you'll always have me here." She winked before finishing the treat.

"Anything else you have in there for me?" I muttered as I tried peaking over into the bag, once more the blue haired girl threw the trash at me.

"What, you thought I was actually going to come find you empty handed?" She clacked her tongue, "Tsk. You should know me better than that Allen Walker."

I just grinned at her before taking the bag into my hands digging into it, "Perfection~!" I nearly purred Hostess cupcakes filled the whole thing with something that stuck out to me.

"Road?" I looked towards her as she figured out what I had found, "You forgot your phone, don't want you having your parents think you lost it or got stolen."

She just shook her head, "I'm getting a new one actually tomorrow, so Tyki actually suggested that I give it to you and have you join our plan."

My eyes widened, to think her heartless brother was actually going to allow me to share the same phone company as her beloved sister was something I couldn't even comprehend. "But I don't have money-" I trailed off as she just shook her head.

"I told Tyki your situation, well... actually not all of it, he knows you are always getting kicked out, he doesn't know that you are homeless, but I figured it wasn't my place to tell, so he said whenever you are kicked out you just have to call me and we will find a way to get you and allow you the couch."

I know it sounds girly to say, but I actually felt tears sting my eye, having to bat them away I quickly pulled the girl into a hug, not even caring that she was squirming from my grasp.

"You're the best Road."

"I know." She muttered finally getting away from my hug as she sighed quietly. "You know I wish I could do more for you."

I just shook my head, "You are doing just fine, this is the most anyone has ever done for me... Thank you for being such an awesome friend."

She nodded lightly grabbing another snowball out of the bag, "Oh shut up already, this sentimental crap is getting to awkward for me."

We sat in silence before both of us started bursting out in laughter, "You know… You can be a little _hardcore _when you want to be, I should stay away from you."

She just playfully slapped my arm and rolled her eyes, "Are you sure _I'm _the bad influence? Being behind a store? They are going to think we are smoking pot or something."

I just glanced at her, "You are right! We do have all this food, might as well bring out the bag of weed~." I stated in a sing-song tone.

"You got some?"

This time it was me who was playfully slapping her in the arm, "Course not you twit!"

Road just rubbed her shoulder and pouted, "Well aren't you aggressive."

-o- 

I had gotten up grasping lightly onto her hand and pulling her up looking around slightly, "We should go... I think I see the she-beast here."

Knowing Road, she quickly got up, turning around looking everywhere. "Where is this _bitch_ at?"

"No Road, she's my problem, and I'm not going to let her ruin a moment."

As on cue the pink haired girl walked towards us, her pink-contacted eyes glaring at us. "Well… Look what we've got here, two losers who are meant for each other."

"Hey watch it! Allen might not be able to hit you, but I can and trust me, I've got a knack for hitting people in the face, or maybe you can ask your dear beloved about that."

I could nearly see the fire around both of them, but as Road was about to swing, Chomesuke just smirked. "Well I could just ask right now." She turned her head as we saw Lavi standing beside the wall.

"What you actually thought he was going to leave you alone… I saw him waiting there for _you_." She nearly hissed as she walked towards her boyfriend wrapping her arms around him. "But then I remembered, he's my boyfriend, so I figured it out, he was waiting for me making sure the suicidal boy wouldn't bring down everyone around him." She said with a small giggle as we both noticed Lavi flinch at her words.

I just roll my eyes, "Of course he's here for you, who else would it be? Road? Me? Ha, sweet cakes you need to learn to control your jealousy."

Road just huffs out, I know she wants to get into the fight with her, but knowing Road, it might get out of hand, which I honestly wouldn't mind but now isn't the time and place for such violence.

"Or maybe…" I begin, "You know Lavi doesn't love you like he did me, and it eats at you from the day you started dating 'til the day you knew I got out of the hospital. You want to be the perfect couple that everyone envies and wants to be, but the truth of the matter is you can't and there is only one thing that is stopping you from your _happily ever after_."

"And what do you say that is Walker."

"Well if you let me finish, I'd tell you." I grin, this girl really is like me, I can tell that she's keeping her stance, even though she wants to break down, Lavi sure does have a knack for picking psychopaths.

"Lavi's heart, that's what's stopping you from your _fairy tale fantasy_, because even if everyone else can see it, Lavi can't ever love you… and I'm sorry for the honest truth, but he'll never be able to love someone as much as he loved me because of how much pain I have caused him. Making him fear to try and jump back into something so serious again."

Lavi just stood there nodding slightly before finally grasping the courage to say something, "How can someone who has hurt me so badly…" I winced at the statement, "Understand so much of me more than my own girlfriend can?"

I just chuckled, watching as Road gave up her fighting stance before stuffing her face back with the sweets; she knew she wouldn't be kicking anyone's ass anytime soon.

"Come on Lavi just because we were off and on doesn't mean I never paid attention to your emotions. Remember I know your emotions more than anyone else can, just like you know mine." I stated, both of us now gazing at each other.

"You know what we both want, but we have our own fears in grabbing the other and actually being _happy_."

Chomesuke finally butted in, "You aren't going to believe this crap are you Lavi? He's spouting out nonsense in order to break us a part baby… You told me you didn't love him anymore…" I couldn't help but look away from her, tears were welding up in her eyes, her voice betraying her strong stance once and for all. "What happened to it just being us? You and me… We're the same Lavi, we both can't trust those who we used to love and we _need _each other for survival."

-o- 

I sighed, if only this could be some crappy fairy tale, where we all got what we wanted and the bad guy would go far far away for causing pain to the faithful princess.

I probably would be the villain, Road the henchmen, Lavi the prince and of course Chomesuke the princess.

It was all ironic if you ask me, this was my story and yet someone else got to have the role of the _princess _not saying that that was the role for me but still… shouldn't I be the one who got my own happy ending?

-o- 

"Listen… Chomesuke, I know he's not going to come back to me, if you really cared about him you would be able to tell already, we both have our minds made up." I sighed quietly before turning fully away from them. "Lavi is with you, and the one thing I know about him is that he is faithful, he will never intentionally try to hurt you… and honestly I don't even know why I am speaking for him."

I bite down on my quivering lip, signaling Road to stand up, telling her it's about time to leave and take her home.

"You know you guys make a cute couple, and I'll be rooting for you two, so don't let me down." I mutter quietly as a tear slips down my face. I couldn't look at them anymore as me and Road just walk away neither of us looking back.

-o- 

You know it's better that way, having to see each other in school already adds salt to the wound, I don't want them to have to see me in tears anymore after my little speech for my own rival, seriously, would you do something so idiotic for someone like that?

I didn't think so, but... I don't know, I felt bad for her, she wasn't such a bad guy after all and all she really did was want Lavi to be hers and only hers, I would understand, if Lavi was in love with someone else while we were together I don't think I could bare having to compete with someone like that.

-o- 

"You know you could have had him back right?" Road muttered through chews, we both walked to her house, which wasn't far from the store as we both continued too much on the sweets.

"Yeah, I probably could have, but it wouldn't be fair to the poor girl." I shrugged lightly looking straight ahead wiping the tears away from my eyes. "Besides don't you think we both need our own happy ending without each other? And who knows, maybe if we are destined to be with each other… maybe we will come back to each other."

"Allen you are too sappy for your own damn good." She teased throwing her trash into the bag, "Do you really believe some crap like that will happen or is it your own blind faith keeping you from kicking your own ass for letting Lavi be with _that_ girl?"

"Maybe it's a little both," I shrug before stopping in front of the girl's house, "Milady, I think this is your stop." I smirk before bowing before her, "I am sure your brother is expecting you."

She just rolled her eyes, "Allen you know you are staying here with me don't you?"

I just nod my head, "Until I'll be able to find a place where I belong I guess I can stick with you and your crazy brother."

We smiled at each other before walking into her house; no one was there so we walked into her living room sitting next to each other as she looked up at me smiling softly as I smiled back.

"You can't fool me or Lavi Allen, I know you are going to miss him, and I know you wanted to break down as much as she did, but you did a kind thing for her, knowing how much of a _she-bitch_ she was you let her have him all to herself."

I only nodded, "You didn't want to fight for him anymore did you?"

Once more she got a nod from me.

"You gave up…"

I sighed softly, "He wasn't mine to begin with. How could I fight for someone who didn't belong to me?"

She turned on the TV and put something on, both of us in our own worlds, not really caring what was playing now.

-o- 

I know what you are all thinking, I didn't fight for Lavi, or you think I didn't give a fuck, but the truth of the matter is, I was not only saving myself, but I was saving everyone who was getting wrapped up in my world because let's admit it, it's pretty fucked up and everyone whoever tried ends up clawing their way out.

So the real question is do I miss Lavi?

Well... I'll never tell, after all… everything happens for a reason and wrapping it up in one word would just be cruel.

SO, I'll just let you all decide.

And maybe one day, we'll all _learn our lesson_.

_**End.**_

_****  
_A/N:Sorry to leave you guys on a sappy ending, but it seemed fit, so I do hope you enjoyed Learn Your Lesson and see you around with my other writings :3


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